The Balancing Act
You want the typical bachelor party. Your bride wants you to behave yourself. You know these two desires are completely incompatible — so do you choose what you want or what she wants? Or do you take the easy road, and do what you want and lie about it? Hard choices for a groom to make. A little advice follows.
She's Not StupidOf course you know your fiancée is more than a pretty face. She is well aware of:
What goes on at bachelor parties.
What your friends are planning.
What you're planning.
That little twitch under your eye when you're lying.
What she's going to be looking for is assurance from you that certain lines will not be crossed during your bachelor party. These will vary from relationship to relationship — so don't expect that you'll be given the same carte blanche that your best friend was given by his fiancée.
Since your friends will probably keep a big part of the night a secret from you (to keep your bride from catching wind of their big plans, if nothing else), and since they will most likely swear you — and each other — to secrecy on the night of the big party, is there any way for you to be one hundred percent honest with your fiancée — and should you be? Aren't there unspoken privacy rules concerning the bachelor party?
If your fiancée is good enough to you to overlook something that would normally upset her — like a stripper — so that you can have a wild bachelor party, be good enough to her to respect her ultimate wishes.
Well, you might be in for a surprise. Your bride may not want to know every single detail of the evening. After all, she has her own bachelorette party in the works, and she'll have a thing or two that she's going to keep to herself, as well.
Some women have no problem with their men visiting “gentlemen's clubs” — other women have huge issues with these places. Whatever her particular take on the issue, the vast majority of women will put it aside for this one evening because this is simply what most men do at bachelor parties. The line may be drawn there: You can go, but you can't touch. The line may be a little further south: You can stuff money in the back of a stripper's g-string, but not in the front.
The MoleThe oath of secrecy is popular with men at bachelor parties. And that oath can seem ironclad at two in the morning when you've consumed the better part of a bottle of whiskey.
Be aware that secrets often find their way out of the closet — usually when you least expect it. And the strong silent pal who boogied with you and five hookers on the night of your bachelor party might just be the one who has the most to say later on, when he reveals to your bride that he's been in love with her for years and he would never consent to a bachelor party like the one you had if she were to marry him. Be forewarned: Everyone has an agenda and nothing stays a secret forever.
