There are only a handful of key elements to having great sex: curiosity, openness of heart and mind, the willingness to try new things and learn, and a willing partner or partners. Within that handful, though, there is a vast array of possibilities for self-expression. The skills and techniques in this book are meant to enhance your own unique self-expression — this isn't a one-size-fits-all cookbook.

Sex as a Metaphor for Life

One could say that how you “do” sex is a metaphor for how you “do” life. Your sexual relationships reflect the same habitual patterns and survival strategies, learned as a child, that you exhibit in other areas of your life — except these patterns are often even more pronounced in the sexual arena. If you want to change one or more of the habitual ways you react to things, sex is a good place to start.

If you have trouble asking for what you want, for example, sex is a good learning laboratory. It's an area of life that is concrete. The feedback you get from your actions is clear: You either ask or you don't — and you either get what you asked for or you don't. With such clear and unequivocal feedback, learning is more likely to occur. And when you learn a basic life skill such as self-expression, this learning will easily transfer to the other areas of your life. It is the premise of this book that a life of consistently great sex is possible and that it can be fun to train yourself to get there.

Beyond Your Wildest Dreams

Learning new sexual and sensual techniques can bring you more than simple physical pleasure. You may also find yourself feeling a sense of ongoing unity with your lover. Healing can occur not only with respect to your sexuality, but also in your faith and trust in life, your emotions, and your health. Your overall self-confidence will grow as you learn to communicate and understand each other better.

Sexual healing has vast ramifications. Whenever you experience healing of past blocks or inhibitions, you tend to become happier, more generous, and more self-trusting. And you tend to pass this happiness on to those around you. When you feel loved, understood, sexually fulfilled, and connected, you become much more powerful as a human being. This is especially important for those women and men who were taught to suppress or deny their natural sexuality.