Great sex is not just any sex at all; it is certainly not what may be called maintenance sex. Maintenance sex is what some people do most of the time when having sex — where partners perform sex more as a routine than as a conscious, intentional celebration of their love.

Maintenance sex is entirely acceptable, but it is not to be confused with sex that is really great. Maintenance sex generally involves some degree of compromise — a step or two down from one's ideal. Perhaps only one partner is in the mood, and the other complies. One of the partners may be trying to appease the other. Or maybe, at times, one or both partners simply want to do the minimum to maintain their sense of being sexually connected.

By contrast, great sex is usually transformative and healing for the partners. Partners feel loved and cherished, and all seems right with the world. Great sex can help partners transcend their separateness from each other. They both become part of something larger — a spiritual connection that puts them in touch with the oneness of all creation. Great sex may not happen automatically. But it can be learned. To have great sex requires knowledge, skill, patience, time — and practice!

And Much, Much More

After having great sex, people often report that petty ego concerns and personality conflicts seem unimportant. Competitive ideas about feminine and masculine roles or responsibilities tend to fade. The stresses of looking good, being in control, feeling separate, or being on guard disappear. Great sex involves honesty, trust, letting go, merging, and just being.

Great sex is not so much about technique as it is about presence. The most technically skilled lover is nothing without an open, trusting presence and attention to her or his partner. Learning new positions, techniques, and tricks is only a vehicle for experiencing each other's presence in new ways.

Great sex is a type of intimate communication. It is one of the most important ways in which you, as a human being, share who you are with your partner. Really great sex is like melting or dissolving into a universal state of oneness.