Pay close attention: it's important that you learn to love (or at least really like) your body. This will greatly improve your chances of having a good sex life, but it will also have a positive impact on every other part of your life. When people love their bodies, they tend to eat right, exercise, and stay healthy without worrying about the details. But getting to that place of acceptance and love so that you can nurture your body temple may be a challenge for you. Your family history, the stresses of modern life, and perfectionist ideals you hold may stop you from full acceptance. Once you become aware of your unfriendly attitudes toward your body and understand how you learned them, you can begin the journey to greater self-love.

You can start to change your negative attitudes by learning to love your body right now. If you do, you won't have to look back forty years from now and say, “Why didn't I just love myself the way I was?” Start now.

Be Open to Improvement

You can love your body while still recognizing that there's room for improvement. If you don't look or feel as good as you'd like, consider healthy ways you can make positive changes. Look for physical activities you enjoy — they will help you get in better shape, improve your mental state, and boost your self-confidence. Even better, look for activities that you and your partner can do together — allowing you both to get healthier while spending quality time together.

Begin by noticing how often you worry about what your lover might be thinking of your physical features, whether it's breasts, hips, or tummy (if you're a woman), or penis, muscles, or hair (if you're a man). Notice how you talk trash to yourself. Now start talking back. Tell yourself what you appreciate about your body. When you appreciate the gifts you have been given, you can begin the journey toward learning to love and honor your temple — just as it is.

Body Image Exercise

When you recognize that it is only you who hold yourself back, you can recover your power and discover your freedom. If you decide that as an adult you do not agree with some of the things you were taught as a child, you can make the decision to reclaim your vitality and your capacity for bodily pleasure. Here is a simple exercise that will be useful in all areas of your life:

• Create an image in your mind of a situation or time when you felt really good about yourself. You feel empowered, smart, and capable.

• Close your eyes and breathe deeply into your belly for a few minutes while you hold on to that feeling. Really feel it and breathe it in.

• Now, imagine that you are feeling that way about your body: It is strong; it is healthy; and it is beautiful. Drink in that feeling and bathe yourself in it for a few minutes.

You'll find training for increasing the pleasure you feel in your many erogenous zones in an upcoming chapter, but for now, know that this little exercise will vastly improve your sex life. Practice loving yourself!