Sexual response in men and women can vary greatly, despite the common belief that men are always ready for sex. In reality, men need touch, desire, and attention to feel turned on, just as much as women do.

Sexual Response in Men

Men tend to be visual responders. They are stimulated by the sight of breasts, hourglass waistlines, and buttocks. When a man sees a woman walking down the street, his testosterone kicks in, and as his penis expands, his self-control shrinks. The typical male sexual response pattern unfolds like this:

1. Excitement phase. This can be viewed as the anticipation phase. It begins with imagining, touching, innuendo, kissing, fondling, looking at his partner, flirting, dancing, or any other activity the man finds exciting. As excitement builds, his erection hardens. On an arousal scale of one to ten, this phase takes him to about five or six.

2. Plateau phase. At this point, an increase in excitation occurs. The heart begins to beat faster, the erection gets firmer, the sense of separateness fades to the background, and body movements become more involuntary. The testicles and scrotum tighten and pull closer to the body. Breathing patterns can be shallow and fast. The man's excitement can escalate quickly at this point. Premature ejaculation sometimes occurs during this phase.

3. Orgasm phase. This is often the point of no return as the man begins to move toward orgasm and ejaculation. The penis thickens with blood and the head often swells as he gets closer to orgasm. If a man has practiced ejaculation mastery, he might be able to avoid — or at least delay — orgasm even once he has reached this point.

4. Resolution or refractory phase. Within minutes of ejaculation, the body relaxes, the breath deepens, and the blood begins to flow back out of the primary erogenous zones. The body comes back to its static state, before it was turned on, though much more relaxed and satisfied.

Sexual Response in Women

There's the stereotype that women take longer to get warmed up for sex than men do. This is somewhat of a myth. Part of the problem may be that women were traditionally discouraged from acknowledging or encouraging their sexual interests or desires. As a result, many women may have felt the need to deny their sexual desires and physical responses.

Another problem can occur when a woman hasn't explored her own reactions to sexual stimulation and states of physical arousal. This can lead to lots of wasted time and effort as the woman and/or her partner tries all sorts of less than successful moves and techniques in an effort to get her aroused. This can be frustrating for both people — especially for the woman, if she's only in the mood for a quickie (and yes, women often just want a quickie).

But for women who are very familiar with their bodies, not much time is needed for them be lubricated and ready. Many women reach orgasm quickly through self-stimulation but take longer to arouse and orgasm when having sex with a partner.

Regardless of individual arousal time, a woman's sexual response usually begins with feelings of emotional intimacy. She may not need such intimacy every time she makes love, but things generally go better if she feels she is getting the intimacy she needs. Tender words, touching, loving gestures, and sexual foreplay are ways to begin to warm up a woman.

As a woman becomes sexually stimulated, her chest may flush, her vulva will begin to swell, and she'll start exuding lubrication in her vagina. Her nipples may become erect and her breasts firmer. Her heart rate and breathing will speed up.

In the 1960s, sexologists Robert Masters and Virginia Johnson were the first modern doctors to research and describe in detail what we now call the female sexual response pattern. The typical female sexual response pattern looks like this:

1. Excitement phase. The energy builds during this first stage of sexual excitement. Vaginal tissue swells and lubrication of the membranes occurs. The supporting muscles of the pelvic floor tighten and pull upward. This expands the back of the vagina so it can accommodate the penis.

2. Plateau phase. The excitement response builds to a certain plateau and tends to level off. Breathing patterns can be shallow and fast, and the erogenous zones change color to brighter pinks and reds. It is during this period that tantric breathing can play an important part in increasing and sustaining the sexual feelings being generated.

3. Orgasm phase. The recognition that orgasm will occur has a distinct beginning. Many women feel this moment coming only to experience it fading and then returning. That pattern may occur several times before the orgasm phase moves into its final release. Many women experience frustration at this juncture and find that the actual orgasm may be elusory. If the orgasm does come, a very pleasurable explosive release of pulsating energy occurs. There may be multiple phases of pulsating explosion and release.

4. Resolution or refractory phase. The body relaxes, the breath deepens, and the blood begins to flow back out of the primary erogenous zones. The body comes back to its static state, before it was turned on, though it is much more relaxed and satisfied. For some women this phase will last for just a few moments; others will feel complete and won't want to be aroused again for some period of time. In fact, the clitoral area is very sensitive for some women at this point and stimulation may be uncomfortable or even painful for a short time until they have a chance to recover.