Sexual Dysfunction in Women

For women, overcoming and transforming problems with orgasmic potential can feel daunting at times. Learning to relax your body can help you learn to relax your mind. This will help take off some of the pressure.

Sit down and have a really good conversation about your beliefs, struggles, inhibitions, and frustrations with your lover. Be vulnerable and tell your partner your innermost feelings. Lack of communication is the number-one cause of libido problems, so stop beating yourself up and start expressing yourself more. For a little while, have sensual times together that aren't necessarily sexual or don't involve intercourse. Receiving a massage and snuggling together are the kinds of things can help take the worry out of being close.

As you receive the massage, don't expect to end up having sex. Explore your erogenous zones fully. Be touched and learn not to do anything about it except moan. Let your lover know that in learning to receive, you are taking action, and, if he is patient, you will both see great results.

Drop the focus on the big O for a while. Be sensual. Learn to relax and receive. If you are willing, have your partner blindfold you and give you a sensual massage. The blindfold will add a little suspense and newness and will allow you to focus more fully on sensations.

Educate yourself about your own body. Spend as much time as you can learning what works best for you and what feels great. Experiment. Don't hold back. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You are in charge of your pleasure.

If you find yourself totally unable to reach any type of arousal, don't have sex just because you feel guilty or obligated. It's better to be honest with your partner (while stressing that you are still very attracted to them). For women especially, having sex when you aren't physically aroused can be uncomfortable or even painful — not to mention frustrating and unfulfilling.

If you really feel stuck, visit a doctor of sexology or a psychologist with a sexuality background. You'll learn a lot and discover that you aren't alone. They will have a variety of ideas that, when combined with what you've learned in this chapter, will give you new tools for attaining your maximum pleasure potential.

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