Massaging Your Woman

Women's sexual parts are for the most part hidden, but even so, there are many wonderful techniques that have been pioneered in the past by sexual explorers who have developed strokes and techniques in erotic genital massage for women.

Loving words are like a massage to a person's inner being. Use them when you are giving attention to your woman. Women generally like a much softer touch than men do — especially when it comes to genital touching.

Some women need to learn that it is okay to have pleasure, period. You may find yourself playing an important role — being her guide in the realm of pleasure permission. If such is the case, be generous and compassionate with her.

A woman's vulva and genitals are comprised of mucous membranes that are tender and easily irritated. High-quality lubrication is required in liberal doses. A great guideline for touch is to pretend that there is a bubble of lubricant between the finger of the giver and the surface of her genitals. Then, you can let her know that she can ask for firmer touch when she's ready for it. Some women like consistent moves that continue for quite a while. Other women like to have the touch varied and for change to occur often. Find out what your woman likes.

Remember that, in general, it's less socially acceptable for women to touch themselves throughout their adolescence than it is for men. Your partner may never have explored herself and may need time to discover what works for her and what she likes.

Getting Started

After a relaxing bath, dry your lover with a towel and position her on the bed. She should be lying on a fairly flat surface and shouldn't use too many big pillows — they can keep the body from fully responding to orgasms by collapsing it and blocking the flow of energy. Remind her to breathe deeply into her belly and to relax.

Put some oil on your hands and rub them together briefly. Start with her breasts, and then move on to massaging her belly. Some men have a tendency to use firm touch, but your lover is more likely to respond if you use a light touch.

Apply some more oil and begin to gently brush your hands, one after the other, upward, over her pubic mound. Lightly brush the hair and move slowly. On about the fourth pass over her pubic mound, begin to let your two first fingers delve a little deeper, just over the labia majora, spreading the pubic hair as you do. Repeat these strokes for a while to really build up a charge.

Moving to the Inner Areas

Switch to a good-quality water-based lubricant now (massage oil and interior mucous membranes don't go together very well). Now with both of your hands, gently spread the lips of her vulva. Do this as if you are doing it for the first time — with wonder and awe. Look at her vulva for a moment and tell her how beautiful she is. Begin to lightly touch her inner labia. You can stroke with your fingertips and gently pull on the lips.

With your index and middle finger on either side, stroke from the bottom of her vulva, up, along both sides to the clitoris, and beyond. Repeat this stroke a few times. Now go in the opposite direction. Ask her how that feels. Does she need a firmer touch or a lighter touch? Would she like you to go faster or slower?

Attending to the Clitoris

After you have explored this area thoroughly, move to the clitoral tip. Place your same two fingers above the clitoris and move the hood gently up and down. Now with one hand hold the hood back, away from the clitoris, and with your other hand apply some lubrication.

Begin to explore her clitoris slowly and gently. Move, in very small increments, around the whole outer edge. As you go around, ask your lover what she feels in that particular area. Notice if she reacts more in some areas than in others. Watch for signals her body gives like shifting or slight curling. These may be signs that she needs a lighter touch. Let her know what you are observing.

Once you have located her most sensitive spot, begin small movements in that location. Go in a clockwise direction first; then reverse. See which one she prefers. Now try moving up and down over this exact spot. How is that for her? Stick with the one she likes best for a while and make eye contact whenever you can.

The Clitoral Shaft

Move your two fingers up over the clitoris and place them on both sides. Run your fingers up and down slowly in this area and see if you can detect the clitoral shaft. Now that she is probably more turned on, you may be able to feel it under the skin. It will swell along with the tip of the clitoris.

Continue with this stroke. Bring your fingers close together so that the clitoris is actually slightly squeezed between the two fingers, as you go down over the top. This should be sending some exciting energy to your lover. You might try stroking one side and then the other. One of the sides may be more sensitive than the other because there are more nerve endings there.

If your partner is getting pretty turned on at this point, continue doing the strokes that she likes best. Listen to her responses, both audible and not. Remind her to breathe and relax as she moves deeper into higher levels of arousal. She may want to have an orgasm with just this stimulation or she may want to move on to G-spot massage.

Chapter 12 has detailed instructions for finding the G-spot and massaging it. Read this part of the book and refresh your memory if you need to. If your lover is ready and desires to add G-spot stimulation, then proceed.

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