Massaging Your Man

During genital massage, find out if your man likes variety, change, and/or innovation. Be willing to ask for feedback and to try new things. Surprise him with some of the techniques in this chapter, then ask him how it feels. When you combine experimentation with focus and loving attention, you will be able to take him to new heights of pleasure. Some of the hand techniques in this chapter are useful for training a man to last longer, too.

Remember that when giving erotic touch, the giver's hands and heart should feel just as good — or even better — than the person receiving the massage. This may sound odd, but if you think about it, it makes perfect sense. We all know when someone is not present with us. We know when the heart is involved to its fullest. Be present with your partner. Focus your attention on how good it feels to give loving touch.

Men tend to like consistent strokes that are typically stronger and harder than women do when they are being touched sexually. They also like variety. Find out just how hard a touch he prefers and just how much variety he would like. Men tend to be very visual, so let your man see what it is that you are doing to him. Prop him up in a comfortable position and let him look.

When stroking his penis, you may have a soft-on or a hard-on to work with. Don't get the idea that one is better than the other. If he seems to be having a hard time relaxing, remind him to breathe deeply into his belly. Rub his belly to bring him into the present and remind him to just lie back and receive. Keep eye contact, when possible, and use lots of lubrication. He'll love the wet, shiny look; and the squishy sounds are erotic.

Essentials for a sexual massage may include a candle, towels, good-quality oil, and water-soluble lubricant. Relaxing music is also a plus. And, of course, you'll need a warm, quiet area and some love and care to share.

Use your hands, feet, breasts, mouth, hair, fingernails, and anything else that might occur to you when stimulating him. Though we'll focus on hand strokes in this chapter, taking his penis and placing it between your breasts for a few strokes can be a real turn on!

Begin the Massage

Have your clean, relaxed partner lie down. Find a comfortable position that allows you to have both hands free. You may want to start with some light massage to his feet and chest and shoulders as a warm-up. When you are ready to begin massaging his penis, put some lubrication or oil in your hands and gently rub your hands together to warm it.

Begin by gently stroking upward from his scrotum, up over his penis with both hands. Let your hands trail each other so that the motion feels continuous to him, one hand after the other. Move slowly at first and feel your hands enjoying the action.

Attention to the Head

Placing one hand firmly around the lower shaft of his penis, take your other hand and begin to gently pull upward with all your fingers on the corona, or the area where the shaft meets the head. This is a very sensitive area, and it loves attention. Pull, tug, and slide your fingertips around and under the head.

In a variation on this, while still holding the lower shaft with one hand, take the index finger and thumb of the other hand and make a ring around the corona. Now twist the two fingers around as far as you can go one way. Let go and make the stroke again and again. Don't move too fast. Ask your partner to coach you on the speed and pressure he likes.

Up and Down

This is the stroke that is the most commonly used by men to masturbate. It's also the one used the most by partners to stimulate the man. Using one hand, stroke the shaft of the penis evenly from the bottom to the head. Use a firm grip and a steady speed. Vary this stroke by putting more pressure on the thumb, either on the upstroke or the downstroke.

Another variation is to stroke just the head this way. You can add variety by doing a few strokes all the way up and down and then a few just over the head or tip of the penis. Then go deep again. You can also turn your hand over and lead downward with the thumb side of the hand, something a man would have trouble doing for himself.

Double Handed Strokes

Using the basic up-and-down stroke, add the other hand to the base of the penis. Hold that hand in place, and use the other hand to do the stroking. The stationary hand can gently squeeze while the other hand is stroking.

Now, with the hand that is stroking, add a twist all the way down to meet the other hand. Twist up and then down. Get as much twist in as you can. Experiment with the pressure. And ask your partner for feedback.

Vary this by using both hands to do the stroking. Try them going the same direction, one after the other, and then try the hands going away from each other and then back together.

Exploring Down Under

Many men like their scrotum gently pulled. This can actually help keep him from ejaculating too quickly. In this move, gently cup his balls with one hand, making a ring around his scrotum with your index finger and your thumb. Pull down. With the other hand, stroke his penis in any way that feels good. You might try a long twist, all the way to the tip and back.

A full one-third of the penis is actually buried under the skin, behind the scrotum. With a liberal amount of lubricant, explore this area. Reach with your hand, under the balls, and gently feel for the root of the penis shaft. With enough lubrication, you can wrap your fingers around the whole shaft. Stroke up and down here while you are also stroking the exposed area of the penis. Men go wild over discovering this hidden area and its virgin nerve endings.

Another area that men often find very erotic is the area just at either side of the base of the penis. This is where the legs meet the torso; many nerve bundles travel through this region. With lubrication, try stroking this area with an up-and-down motion.

You can also stroke and massage the perineum and anus areas while stroking the penis. Many men find this highly sensual and erotic. Some heterosexual men confess that they worry that they might be homosexual after discovering that they like to be touched in these ways. Anal eroticism is not unusual in heterosexual men. These areas have a high nerve count and are very erotic to the touch.

Taking It Higher

Invent some strokes of your own, combining a variety of moves. When you are ready to finish the massage, or if your partner has ejaculated, cup your hand over the penis and scrotum and just rest for a moment. Send your partner love and energy through your hands.

A massage like this can be the tool to learning and teaching ejaculation mastery. Making eye contact, using direct communication, and noticing things like breathing patterns, the two of you can be partners in training him to last for as long as he likes. This may eventually lead him to experience multiple orgasms without ejaculation.

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