A Connection with Your Partner

As you embark on your voyage toward greater intimacy and mutual awareness, you can practice positions of nurturing that will help you to restore and harmonize your energies after a fight or disagreement. And if you still don't feel comfortable doing these with your partner, practice on your own, in front of a mirror.

Eye Gazing

Choose a quiet place. Sit in a comfortable position, with you and your partner facing each other. Preferably, you are on cushions on the floor, sitting cross-legged and face-to-face, as close to each other as possible. You may sit on chairs with a straight back so you sit up straight. Relax and breathe into your belly.

Look at your partner. Your eyes should be soft and inviting. You don't have to smile or look fascinated — just relax, breathe, and allow yourself to open up to the moment. Stay together in this way for about five minutes.

One of the benefits of eye gazing at close range and breathing together is the exchange of pheromones, the sexual scents that induce arousal. They are passed through bodily secretions and the breath. When you are engaged in activities that promote pheromone release, you will develop stronger bonds.

Next, each of you should place your right hand on your partner's heart and your left hand over your partner's arm, on your own heart. The palms of your hands should be flat so that they are touching your partner and yourself completely. Breathe and eye gaze. Relax into the feeling of complete surrender. Stay present with your partner and focus your awareness on only the two of you.

Examine Your Experience

After you have tried eye gazing, think about how this exercise affected you. Here are a few questions you may want to ask yourself:

  • Did I have any trouble looking into my partner's eyes? Did I only look at one and not the other?

  • How did it make me feel?

  • Was I comfortable or uncomfortable?

  • Would I be able to sustain this exercise for five to ten minutes?

Also talk to your partner about this exercise. Share your feelings and ask how he felt about it.

Eye gazing during the act of sex is a very powerful experience. We are open and vulnerable at that time. Once you are more comfortable with doing it, see if you can look into your lover's eyes while you orgasm. This may be more difficult — you're probably conditioned to go inside, thinking you'll feel the experience more. In truth, you may actually be able to expand the orgasmic feelings more when you are fully connected to your partner through your eyes.

Heart Hold While Spooning

This is an excellent exercise to clear negative energy that can arise from everyday fights and disagreements. Lie on your side with your partner, with one of you in front of the other, like spoons in a drawer. If you are in back, place your top arm over your partner and hold your hand to her heart. If you are in front, have your partner place her hand on your heart. Relax and breathe together. Do this for at least five minutes.

After a few minutes, you can also try some slow, gentle undulating together. One of you starts and begins to rock from the hips. Cradle your partner in your arms and hold firmly. This is a good tool for getting in sync or harmonizing.

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