Although times are changing, some men and women have misgivings about both giving and receiving oral sex. Not all couples are comfortable with it and may need some encouragement in this area of lovemaking. Other couples already enjoy oral sex, but they may be able to use new information to improve their knowledge.

Some believe that oral sex was not common until the 1960s and 1970s, when it became wildly popular with the advent of women's magazines seeking yet another cutting-edge story for the cultural avant-garde. Today it has generally lost its taboo status; its appeal is enormous and lends great creativity and erotic pleasure to any relationship.

Oral sex is often considered an essential part of foreplay, but it can also be a very pleasurable stand-alone activity. Many women find that oral sex is the only way they can have an orgasm. While this book aims to help you expand your orgasmic potential, the fact that for many women it's the only way to go (or come!) points to the value of oral sex.

When preparing for this type of intimate contact, cleanliness is important. Bathe together, and pay close attention to the little details. Men, if you aren't circumcised, pay special attention to the area under your foreskin. Women, wash with a gentle but effective soap. You'll both be more comfortable and relaxed knowing that you are clean and prepared.

Stimulating the Clitoris

Clitorises come in many sizes, but they are small in relationship to the rest of a woman's sexual organs. The clitoris is covered by a piece of skin or hood that protects it from being rubbed or irritated during most of the day. The head and the hood are the exterior parts of the clitoris, but there is much more buried under the skin, past the head.

As the woman gets more turned on, the clitoris begins to fill with blood and become engorged. This causes the clitoris to become erect. As this happens, the head of the clitoris “hides” up under the hood more. It's often useful for the woman to help out by holding the hood that covers the clitoris back, out of the way for her lover.

When it comes to oral sex on a woman, you need to be subtle but focused. Pick one area you think is most sensitive and then stick with one speed and one kind of movement for a while. The giver has to develop the stamina required for repetitive movements like these.

It's useful to know that most women have a particular area of their clitoris that is most sensitive. This doesn't mean that it all doesn't feel good, but one area is usually the most sensitive. Most women find that stimulation of the top of their clitoris is the most pleasurable.

You also need to pay some attention to the labia, or lips of the vulva, which are sensitive to touch and licking. Start with the labia and slowly move in to focus on the clitoris after the outer areas have had some attention. You can gently suck, lick, blow softly, and nibble on any of these parts.

Try different modalities of touch with your lips, tongue, tip of the tongue, and even teeth if you are very careful. Be very tender in your touch.

Women, when you're receiving oral sex, remember to relax as you get more and more turned on. Breathe deeply and stay aware of your body and what is happening. As you become more turned on, you may notice that you begin to curl up a little. Your stomach, hips, and buttocks tighten up. When you find yourself tensing up, relax again. If you allow your body to curl, the clitoris only becomes more hidden and harder for your partner to stimulate. Open your body up and out, and breathe. This will expand your orgasmic potential.

Many women instinctively keep their legs close together while receiving oral sex, but by opening her legs as wide as possible, she gives her partner access to more areas of her body (and also makes it easier for herself or her partner to stimulate manually at the same time).

Also, by putting her legs up in the air (pulling them back with her hands, if needed) or bringing her knees to her chest, the woman allows the man to have deeper penetration and easier access to her clitoris.

Some couples like to engage in cunnilingus with the man lying on his back and the woman straddling his face.

Stimulating the Penis

Receiving oral sex is sometimes the most fantasized part of the sexual experience for men. Many men have seen pornography that portrays women giving oral sex with wild abandon. They consider it erotic and intimate for their lover to give them fellatio, to ejaculate into their lover's mouth, and to have the lover swallow their ejaculate.

It's wonderful to start with a soft penis. This allows the exquisite feeling of having the man respond in your mouth to the touch you are giving. As you begin, touch your partner tenderly with your hands and gently blow on his pubic area. Cup his scrotum in your hands and carefully fondle the hair and skin around his genitals. Begin to kiss and lick his shaft. Start out with more of a teasing touch. As he warms up, move to a firmer touch.

Once the penis begins to grow, move to the head. As you prepare to take it in, make sure your mouth is very wet. Play with him in a teasing manner as you go back and forth from his shaft to the head and back again, kissing, sucking, and even very lightly biting as you move up the shaft to the head of his penis.

Once he is very aroused, begin to take more control and be more aggressive. Stay on the head longer and with more regular strokes of your mouth. If you feel comfortable, use the technique called deep throating to take his penis deeper into your mouth. Be careful and go slowly — he'll like it better that way. Pay particular attention to the head and the edge where it meets the shaft. This area is very sensitive in most men, and he'll love the attention you give to it.

Many men like increased stimulation as they get further aroused. They tend to like a series of repetitive actions and strokes. Vary the intensity so that you have a sense of where your partner is in his arousal state. By beginning to create a kind of dance with softer, more sensual strokes to hotter, firmer suction, you'll be able to help train your man to last longer.

There are several types of positions that can be used in giving fellatio:

• Some women are fine performing oral sex while kneeling on the floor with the man standing in front of them.

  

  Woman performing oral sex while kneeling on floor.

• Other women find kneeling on the floor uncomfortable and prefer to kneel on a bed or lie on their stomachs, while the man lies near them or stands against the bed in front.

  

  Woman performing oral while kneeling on bed.

• Still another variation involves the woman lying on her back, with the man hovering above her, with his legs apart. This provides the woman with access to the man's scrotum and other areas, while also giving the man the opportunity to reach down and caress the woman's breasts. Should the woman decide to use one hand to masturbate, the man would also have a great view of the action.

  

  Woman performing oral sex while lying on her back.