When it comes to exploring new areas in our lovemaking techniques, we tend to go for the hot, strong, overt qualities instead of moving into the realm of the soft and sensuous. Slowing down and investigating every inch of your partner's skin can, on first investigation, seem too obvious.
But ask yourself: How often have I actually taken the time to discover my partner's erogenous zones? Have I asked her what she likes? When we begin to open up to our partners in these new, subtle ways, we open new doors to a fuller range of intimacy and connecting.
Make a list of all the areas on your body that you either like to be touched or think that you might like to be touched. Then, list the five main places on your body that are your personal favorite erogenous zones. Share your lists with each other.
Erotic touch is an area that has a lot to explore — there are many esoteric ways of touching with hands, feet, and other body parts. For instance, Charles and Caroline Muir of Source Tantra teach a technique that refers to the penis as a wand or paintbrush that “paints” and strokes the outside of the vagina. In this form of foreplay, the man uses his penis, which is generally softly erect, to stroke the outer labia. As he gets the go-ahead signal from his partner, he comes closer to the vaginal opening, and strokes from clitoris to anus.
Here are a few more ideas on how to use touch in your foreplay:
Touch as light as a feather. Touch as though you are stroking only the hair on the body. Use the fingertips, your palms, the back of your hand, or your cheek.
Light scratching. If you have fingernails, try scratching your partner around his inner thighs, scrotum, buttocks, back, and head. Move slowly.
Light biting. Nibbling on your partner may be very erotic. Try it around the ears and neck.
Pulling. Gently but firmly pull the hair around your partner's genitals. Do this in a large handful, not little pieces.
Blowing. Use your breath to blow on your partner — behind the ears, over the face, and over the genitals.