The word ritual may sound formal and intimidating, but when rituals occur in the bedroom they can actually be lots of fun. Anything you do to give an event special meaning or significance (like a birthday celebration) qualifies as a ritual. Rituals and traditions make ordinary occurrences more memorable.

A ritual or tradition can be anything you make it. It can be as simple as fixing a candlelit dinner with music and a sensual dessert or as elaborate as creating an entire evening that includes lighting incense, playing special music, toasting each other, erotic dancing or touching, and hours of intense lovemaking. A ritual is designed by you to fit your particular needs and tastes.

The key to creating a ritual is to put your attention on it and your intention in it. You are creating a conscious event that is meant for a purpose. That purpose can be defined, acknowledged, and structured so that it enhances whatever state you want to embody or experience.

Putting It Together

When setting the scene for your romantic ritual, choose the elements that will make for the perfect sensual environment and add some personalized touches that will make this routine uniquely yours. Select colors, scents and sounds that you and/or your partner love.

Consider the purpose of the ceremony. It may be that you have an anniversary coming up, a special day that was a first for you and your partner, or a birthday. Or perhaps you simply wish to celebrate your relationship.

Once you know what your intent is, you can put together your own ritual. Some ideas you may consider:

• Light a candle together as a symbol of your union. A flame is eternal and can serve as a reminder of your everlasting love.

• Share how you feel about your partner, speaking from your heart. This creates an emotional connection between you.

• Music has a powerful impact. Music sets a special tone that, when used wisely, will completely transform and guide an evening. Consider the tone you wish to set: soft and sensual to hot and spicy to holy and serene.

• Incorporate a new sex toy or sensual aid into your ceremony; you can try using a soft fur mitt, a feather, a soft paintbrush, a rose petal, velvet, silk, or sensual foods such as whipped cream.

• Get silly, especially if this isn't normally the way you behave around your partner. What often makes a memorable experience is something out of the norm. Give yourself permission to try things outside the bounds of your usual expression.

Love Ceremony for Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is the classic time to create a love ceremony. A special dinner, whether at home or at a restaurant, sets the scene for giving gifts and flowers, spending the evening with your partner, and honoring the deep connection and special place you hold in your hearts for each other. The intention is clear and the event is universally recognized. Yet, within this one special day a year, there are many variations to be discovered and created. Here's a Valentine's Day ceremony you can adopt or use as inspiration to create one for yourself.

Set aside two hours for the ritual and an additional hour to create the set and setting before the two of you get together. You may need to purchase candles, flowers, fruit (like mango, papaya, small juicy oranges, and kiwi), chocolates, and a sipping liqueur (if you drink alcohol). You may also wish to exchange gifts during the ritual.

Peel, slice, and arrange the food on a plate. This need not be a large amount — you're only tempting the senses of smell and taste, not eating to be full. Pour a small single glass of the liqueur or whatever drink you desire. The two of you will share this glass.

Arrange the bedroom with clean sheets and pillows. Set the candles in several areas of the room that appeal to you. Place one or two candles in the bathroom. Pick soft, sensual music to play. If you've purchased flowers, place them on a table next to the fruit and drink, where you will be able to see them.

When you come together for your evening, tell your partner how excited you are to be having this special time together. Share three specific things that you appreciate about him. At this time, you may also exchange gifts, or you can wait until later.

Take a sensual bath together. Dry each other slowly and accompany your partner to the bed. Exchange massages. Begin without using oils to give a light, fingertip-only massage and gradually explore the subtleties of touch on different areas of the body. Apply a little oil and use a firmer touch, making sure to keep it sensual. The hands giving the touch should be feeling just as exquisite as the body receiving it.

Now face each other, eyes open, and gaze into each other's eyes. Spend a few minutes like this, breathing slowly and deeply into the belly. Gently begin your lovemaking.

There's no rush. Take it slowly and enjoy every moment. Remember to breathe into your belly — full, slow breaths. And remember not to get goal oriented by becoming preoccupied about coming or not coming. Fill your senses with the sight, sound, and smell of your beloved.

Use the food and drink that you've prepared to excite the senses. Tease a little. Ask your partner to close his eyes and let him briefly smell what you are offering first. Lightly brush the morsel across his lips, allowing him to feel the fruit's texture.

Weave and dance through your lovemaking. Speak to your beloved. Be vulnerable and open, even if it's not that easy for you to do. Remember that your lover wants to hear what you are feeling. Tell your partner how much you appreciate his love. Let him know how precious this time is to you.