Though they may be reluctant to admit it (even to themselves), many people find the thought of a threesome to be exciting and sexy. The idea of bringing another person into the bedroom can be both naughty and thrilling — not to mention, there would be another set of hands (and other body parts), which makes all sorts of new positions and anatomical arrangements possible. But taking it from fantasy to reality is a big step. If you are even contemplating engaging in a threesome, you should take plenty of time to think it through carefully first.

While some couples swear that engaging in one or more threesomes spiced up their sex lives immensely, others regret having tried a threesome and perhaps even cite the experience as a fatal blow to their relationship. It's common for feelings of jealousy or insecurity to come into play, and at least one partner can often end up wishing he had never participated in a threesome at all.

This is something you and your partner should definitely discuss in depth beforehand. If you do decide to forge ahead, establish some ground rules you both find agreeable — especially when it comes to selecting the third member of your threesome.

The Gender Ratio of Your Threesome

You and your partner may have both expressed an interest in a threesome, but further discussion may reveal you each have a much different vision of what that threesome might look like. For example, many men are turned on by the idea of sex with two women but may be turned off by a threesome featuring another guy. On the other hand, a woman might be excited at the thought at having two men — but then again, she might be curious about what it would be like to have another woman join her and her partner in bed.

Sometimes, a person is okay with watching his partner play with someone else, but wants to remain a spectator and doesn't want to engage with the third party. Or, it may be the opposite — he may want to engage in sexual activities with the third party while his partner just watches or interacts only with him, not touching the third party.

There's no one-size-fits-all arrangement that works for everyone. The important thing is to hash this out with your partner right from the start to avoid any conflicts or unpleasant surprises later.

Before you embark on a threesome, be prepared for the possibility that things may not go as you planned, especially when it comes to the ground rules you've established with your partner. No matter how firmly you or your partner swear you will or won't do a certain thing, that resolve may go out the window once clothes start coming off. That's a risk you take in this situation.

Selecting Your Third Party

Once you and your partner decide you would like to try a threesome, there is a practical matter to consider. That is, who will be the third member of your little intimate group? This can be tricky and challenging. After all, it's not like you can just call up your neighbor and ask if he would like to come over and join the two of you in a sex romp. (Unless of course you have an unusually close relationship with your neighbor.)

When it comes to selecting a third party, there are basically two main schools of thought. Some couples prefer to select a stranger who they will never see again. They may put this stranger though some kind of screening process beforehand — say, by making initial contact through a personal ad or online venue — so they can ensure there is a good match. This also gives you an opportunity to establish your requirements (for example, the drug and disease free notation is a common screening criteria). Swinger clubs can also be a good tool for making this sort of connection, because they often establish ground rules that all parties must agree to, and they also often offer some kind of host location, which provides at least a small sense of security.

On the other hand, there are couples who prefer to pick someone with whom they already have an existing relationship, thus turning a platonic friend into a friend with benefits. The advantage here is that this person is someone with whom the couple already has a bond of friendship and trust. It is also likely that they all know each other's sexual history already, which may make everyone feel safer and more comfortable.

It can be tricky (not to mention awkward) to approach a potential third party for your threesome. The best advice comes from people who have been there and done that. Check out the forums at swinger sites like www.swingersboard.com where people share stories about approach methods they have tried.

There's a downside to inviting someone you know into your bedroom. Should things go badly, you will probably still have to face this person on a regular basis, which could make for some uncomfortable and awkward moments. Also, having a threesome with a friend or acquaintance makes it more likely that other people in your social circle will find out about your activities.

The Aftermath

Here is a word of warning for couples who may be contemplating or planning a threesome. Many couples who do take the plunge and engage in a threesome find they have some serious issues to contend with afterward. Often, at least one partner will have gotten hooked and will decide this is something they want to do again — perhaps on a regular basis. This can be a problem if the other partner doesn't feel the same way. If the gung-ho partner really pushes for a repeat, the other person may start to feel insecure, wondering if he alone is no longer enough to satisfy his partner.

While this is something you should anticipate and discuss beforehand, this is a situation where you often don't know how you will feel until you are actually in that position. Just be prepared for this possibility, and know that it could require some serious discussions between you and your partner.