This is one of the most common complaints and frustrations men have about sex: “How can I stop from having quick orgasms? Sometimes I ejaculate after fifteen seconds! My partner is not able to climax. Please help me.”

What's the rush? The fast ejaculation may be the result of guilty feelings, fear of getting caught while masturbating, being out of touch with one's own body, or honesty and trust issues with one's partners. As a result, men have very often trained themselves to come too quickly.

Over thousands of years, the tantrics and Taoists have developed simple, easy, and fun techniques to help men train themselves to last longer. While whole books are written on this subject, a good grasp of the essence of the practices can be given here. All you need is training, intention, focused attention, and practice. If you put in some effort, the result will be well worth it. Most men see significant results in just two weeks of practice.

You are about to embark on a wonderfully fulfilling journey that is remarkably easy for most men. However, there are some men who need to see a specialist — whether it is a psychologist or urologist — for their problems related to premature ejaculation.

Start Your Training

To train yourself to last longer, you can practice by yourself or with your partner. The first step to training yourself is to engage your willpower. You will probably be tempted to just let go, as you always have, in order to achieve brief orgasmic pleasure. But rest assured that if you are willing to trust and back away from that point of no return a few times, whole new worlds will open to you and your lover. The training will also involve the following:

• Devoting some quality time to these fun training sessions.

• Learning to relax in the excitement of orgasmic bliss.

• Changing your habit of chest breathing to belly breathing.

• Learning simple communication practices with your partner.

• Loving your body and all the wonderful things it's capable of.

If you do this on your own, self-pleasure yourself until you reach an eight or nine (on the scale of one to ten) of your arousal. Stop, relax, and breathe deeply into your belly for a few minutes; then start again. Don't tense your body — relax it. This will require some self-restraint at first. Bring your focus and willpower to bear.

Tension in the body is typically what causes men to ejaculate. By voluntarily relaxing in the high state of arousal and combining that with slow, deep belly breathing, you will create a container for more powerful, longlasting pleasure.

If you have a partner, it is ideal to practice this together. The techniques are fun and will likely add a new dimension to lovemaking for many couples. It may be a rare experience for a woman to be handed the control button to her man. It may also require both of you to learn a lot of new hand job techniques for pleasuring. (You can refer to Chapter 15 for some of those strokes.)

Incorporate What You've Learned

You will very soon understand that as you master the ability to stop before going over the top, you will actually experience orgasmic-like pleasure without ejaculation. After a few weeks of practicing, you're going to want to try it out during intercourse with your partner.

Don't expect to be able to take your new-found control straight to coitus without a few hitches. You will have to start the process over, but it should be much easier this time. You'll have to stop at that eight or nine arousal point and rest. This time, though, your body and mind will be working together and they'll know what to do.