A Personal Sexology Exam
Because a man's sex organs are more external than a woman's, men are more likely to have explored them. A man may know more about their capabilities and limitations than a woman does about her parts. Yet that knowledge is sometimes limited to the basics. The following exploration is suggested for you to become more intimate and connected with your body and your sexual parts.Beginning Your Exploration
Make sure you have privacy, though you may choose to do this exercise with a partner. (If you choose to do this with a partner, make sure you take the lead. Your partner may ask questions, but the focus should be on you.) Start by taking a bath or shower and relaxing. Close your eyes and breathe for a few minutes.
Stand in front of a full-length mirror and observe your body. Look at your chest and arms. Notice how they are shaped. Don't judge yourself — simply look for the universal symbols of your maleness. Notice your hips, legs, muscles, and torso. Do you have a lot of body hair? How does it feel?
Begin by cupping your penis and scrotum in your hand and gently holding yourself. Notice the heft and feel of the weight. Where is your mind? Do your thoughts turn sexual immediately? Just breathe and relax.
Lightly pull the skin that covers your scrotum. Use both hands for this and experience the stretch and elasticity it has. Notice if your testes are the same size. Just as women's breasts are often different in size, men's testicles may be, too. Rub your hand very gently over the hair on your pubic mound. How does that feel? If a partner has touched you in that way in the past, did you like it?Exploring Your Penis
Now, cup just your penis in one hand. If it is getting hard, relax and come back to this exercise in a minute. If you are uncircumcised, pull the foreskin forward and consider how it covers the tip and then some. Wet your fingers and gently run them around the frenulum. That's the area on the shaft of the penis just immediately below the head.
Notice the veins that are apparent on the outside of your penis, along the shaft. Now, if possible, guide yourself to an erection and look at those veins now. Notice the work they are doing to supply the blood that causes your erection. By just thinking about that blood, you may be able to pump more blood into your penis with some focus.
Arouse yourself with some of the hand techniques covered in Chapter 15, using a good-quality lubricant. Remember to focus on breathing into your belly. Then, observe yourself. What do you notice? Is your scrotum loose and relaxed or tight and up toward your body? Has its texture or color changed in any way? How does it feel to pull down gently on your scrotum as you pleasure yourself? Do you ask your lover to do this during lovemaking?
Add a bit more lubricant to your genitals and feel your scrotum again. Feel the testes in the sac. You may even be able to feel the vas deferens, the tube that delivers the sperm to the seminal vesicles. Be gentle. These are delicate parts.Buried Treasure
Lie down. Place your hand behind and under your scrotum and feel for the base of your penis, which is buried under the skin. You should be able to grab it and even stroke it with enough lubrication. How does this feel? Can you tell if you are more sensitive on the upper area of the base or the under part?
Now, with the same hand, feel the area of your groin that is directly next to the base of your penis. This is the space that connects your legs with your torso. The next time you have sex and your lover is stimulating you, have her massage you in this area while you are aroused. If she strokes with her fingers close to the base of your shaft, it should add to the sensual feelings.
If you'd like your partner's vagina to be tighter, don't just complain about it. Instead, tell her that you would like to practice lasting longer and suggest that she practice some of the arts of loving, too.
If you feel tight in this area, massage it without sexual arousal and practice relaxation and breathing techniques. You'll benefit from easing those muscles later, when you are engaged in lovemaking. This is very appropriate for women, too. Try it on your lover next time, as part of the foreplay.Moving on to the Perineum
Put some light pressure in the area between the base of your penis and the anus. Press more firmly. Do you notice any sensations? It's an indirect way of stimulating the prostate gland and can feel very good when combined with heightened arousal. If you want to, lightly feel your anus around the outside. It has many nerve endings and can be highly erotic during sex. See Chapter 15 for more detailed instruction on internal prostate massage. This is a sexual secret few men or women know about.