As a parent, it is necessary to have safe, open conversations with your children about many things in their lives: drugs, alcohol, peer pressure — and, of course, sex. You won't be able to talk about sex easily with your child unless you like it yourself and have already had other conversations with them about important things in their lives. Start talking to them now so that you can do it later when it's really important. Here is what you need to keep in mind as you begin:

• Sex education isn't a replacement for parental advice. Don't leave the sex talk up to the school. The information and advice will be more meaningful coming from you. Besides, teachers are often restricted by school policies and state laws as to what exactly they can include in a sex ed curriculum.

• Start early. If you wait until you think your child is considering having sex, you may already be too late. Today, more than two-thirds of eighteen-year-olds have already had sexual intercourse.

• Always be on the lookout for teachable moments. Don't lecture — ask your child what he thinks about something presented on TV or in a magazine. Construct your questions to be nonjudgmental so that your child feels permission to speak up. The conversation will last longer that way.

• Teach equality and self-esteem to your child. The current thinking among teens is that oral sex isn't sex. It's a very popular activity, and it allows girls to claim they are still virgins. Most of the oral sex is performed on the male, not on the female. This sets up a girl-pleasing-boy scenario and an early imbalance in sexuality and intimacy. It perpetuates the cultural permissiveness of sexuality for boys and the double standard of “innocence of body” for girls.

Protect Your Children

Here's a scary statistic: estimates are that one in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before age eighteen. The most shocking part is that the perpetrator is often someone the child knows and trusts. Small children need advocates. It is often impossible for them to be able to judge what is appropriate and what is inappropriate behavior from a trusted adult. You can educate them in nonfearful ways, such as by teaching them the difference between “good touching” (such as a hug or a handshake) and “bad touching” or by viewing a “stranger danger” book or DVD that is age appropriate. You can be watchful over the children in your life. It is very appropriate for any adult who suspects child abuse to talk about it with other adults. Don't just watch from the sidelines — if you suspect abuse, do something about it.