Making Love with a New Partner

Chances are, you have had a few sexual partners in your life. Some of these relationships may have been more casual than others. The more special your partner was to you, the more shyness, fear, or even guilt you may have felt the first time you had a sexual experience with this person.

For both young and old, being naked in front of your partner for the first time may be very frightening or it may be erotically charged — or both! If you anticipate having a new lover, take it slowly and express that you are feeling vulnerable. It may help to undress each other.

When you are just starting out a new relationship, you may feel pressured to impress your new partner sexually, and you may want to do it better than in the past. You ask yourself if you really did learn anything from your mistakes and struggles from your previous experiences. You can use the communication, intimacy, and touch techniques covered in this book to get to know your partner intimately in a fun, relaxed manner, before you decide to take the next step toward sex.

The “Highs” of a New Relationship

Many people are addicted to the “rush” they get from a new relationship. When you begin a new relationship, the endorphins often take over and cloud your vision for a while. You feel on top of the world and the relationship feels indestructible.

Eventually, though, you'll come back down to Earth. It's then, as the relationship continues for the long term, that you will need the tools to help you stay clear and loving. If you take things slowly and build your intimacy skills and connection in the new relationship, it will go well. You will both be able to sustain those highs that attracted you to each other in the first place.

A Beginner's Mind

Even if you are in a long-term relationship, you may find it helpful to have a beginner's mind — being open, vulnerable, and trusting in your sexuality. A beginner's mind isn't full of judgments or complaints about how you want things to be. It accepts things as they are and works to transform both the interior struggles and the behaviors that lead to problems.

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