Sex after Sixty (and Well Beyond)

Sixty is not so old anymore. People are taking better care of themselves and living longer. Many men and women older than age sixty have sex that is just as satisfying as it was when they were younger. However, they usually do it less frequently.

Letting Go of What Used to Be

Some people feel sad when they notice their sex drive growing less intense. Others celebrate this fact. If you are in the former category, the secret to making this transition successful is to allow yourself to experience your feelings of sadness and loss fully.

It's also important to be honest and transparent with your partner about such feelings. Let's say, for example, that your partner doesn't reach orgasm as easily as before. How do you feel about this? Do you feel afraid? If so, what meaning are you giving to this fact that creates the fear? Or maybe you feel angry. Again, what are you telling yourself about what this change means?

If you imagine that it means something significant, be willing to check out your assumption. Ask, “I notice you didn't come the last few times we've made love. I'm afraid that means you're no longer interested in sex. Is that true?”

Less Busyness Equals More Bliss

Sex after sixty can be better than it was in earlier years because you may now have more time to enjoy it without as many distractions. If you are no longer working at a regular job and are no longer responsible for kids, you have a lot more free time to explore the subtler aspects of sexuality.

Throughout this book, we have emphasized the importance of simply being present in each moment. When your lifestyle is less pressured, you may have more chances to fully experience the moment-to-moment nuances of sexual sensations, including how your sensations are influenced by your breathing and by where you put your attention.

Feelings of love, conscious breathing, and paying attention to your bodily sensations are still the best aphrodisiacs there are. These things can continue to develop over an entire lifetime. They are not limited by age.

No Erections Necessary

Tantric sex teachers encourage men and women to become as comfortable with a soft-on as they are with a hard-on. Lots of pleasure can be achieved by rubbing your two bodies and pelvic areas together. Many people find this a wonderful alternative to penetration — especially if the woman's vaginal tissue has become thin or sensitive.

A soft-on can also be inserted into the lubricated vagina. From there, experiment with various movements to see how they feel. If this feels good to the woman and she lets him know it, it will often start feeling good to the man as well. If you are willing to accept what is and work with what you have, rather than focusing on what you don't have or can't do, you will continue to discover new realms of pleasure well into your later years.

Oral sex is fabulous when your man has a soft-on. There's less urgency, softer tissue, and more time to play. You may have the experience of having him grow in your mouth — and then again, you may not. Simply enjoy the experience without any expectation.

You're Never Too Old for Erotic Touch

Even if you have little or no desire for intercourse, you still need to be touched in a loving way. If sexual intercourse does come to a halt, don't stop teasing, touching, kneading, and stroking your partner's whole body, including the genitals. You never outgrow your need for touch.

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