Enhancing His Pleasure
Sometimes it is the man who needs more help enjoying sex. Because of the fact that a man's self-esteem is often closely tied to his sexual performance, he may be reluctant to admit that things could be better for him. Yes, men fake sexual interest just like women do — they just do it differently.
To reduce the likelihood of pretending, withholding, or faking, partners need to help each other feel safe admitting when things aren't feeling quite right. Give your partner permission to tell the truth about what he wants. Don't take his self-disclosures as criticism of you.Men Need Warming Up, Too
Somewhere in high school many men got programmed to believe that they should always be ready — just in case the opportunity ever comes along!But as they mature and as sex gets to be more available and less of an opportunity, this attitude becomes inappropriate. A man should not expect himself to always be ready whenever the woman wants it.
This being the case, a woman needs to learn to feel comfortable with a limp penis. Do not wait for your man to be hard before you touch him or put your mouth on him. And pleasure his whole body, not just his sexual parts. This book offers a wealth of ideas for getting both of you in the mood.
Letting his lover be active in lovemaking is healing for the man. It helps him outgrow his conditioning to be always active and in charge. It helps him learn to let go of needing to run the show and discover that he is loveable even when he is not doing anything to earn love.
Most women are conditioned to be passive. Don't deprive your man of the pleasure of feeling your hunger for him. Just because you were conditioned to act a certain way, it doesn't mean you have to stay that way. If you think you'd like to learn to be more active in sex, a good way to start is by giving your man a full-body massage that culminates in an erotic massage, as described in Chapter 15.