Adding New Spices to an Old Recipe
If you are fortunate enough to have been with your partner for many years, it may be time to spice up your sexual and romantic life. Perhaps you have gotten into a routine that is comfortable but lacks excitement. Perhaps you have begun to avoid sex entirely due to a backlog of incomplete communications. Perhaps there are still things that are frustrating or difficult, even after all these years. Perhaps you feel the need for variety but don't want to go outside the relationship for it. If any of these issues speak to you, read on!
Breaking the RoutineIt takes conscious effort to get out of your rut, but the effort is well worth the time it takes. If both of you have read this book, it's now time to have a conversation with your partner about which ideas for adding spice and variety appeal to each of you.
In Chapter 16, you learned about many ways to make the place where you make love more sensual and beautiful by using colors, flowers, and fragrances, and by bathing each other, feeding each other sensual foods, and dressing erotically. Some of these ideas may bring up feelings of fear or embarrassment, but you need to go beyond these initial feelings — all of these suggestions may be just the thing for spicing up your sex life.
Your partner can be your greatest ally and healer! Don't give up too easily. A recent study found that married people had far lower rates of depression than people who are not married. Choose to do the intimacy work that will make both of you overflow with happiness.
If you do something that feels a little scary, it means you are taking a risk on behalf of the relationship. You are stretching your comfort zone, and your relationship is growing. You may have heard the saying
This means that if you're not stretching in a relationship, your relationship is dying. Don't let your sex life die an untimely death. Keep it alive and fresh by consciously changing things every so often.
Getting Back in TouchNo matter how long you have been together, you never outgrow your need for touch. Being touched in sensual, sexual, and nurturing ways helps people feel relaxed, loving, and loveable. Chapter 9 presents a wide range of touch exercises to revive your senses and renew your capacity for whole-body pleasure.
If you two have been together a long time, you probably have not had a “how I like it served” conversation recently — what feels good to you during foreplay and beyond — which is something that couples need to address often. Just because things are working fine, it doesn't mean that you should fall into complacency.
Sometimes people's needs change over time. Sometimes, as you get more comfortable with yourself or your body, you learn new things about yourself. Don't let yourselves get out of touch with each other; keep communicating and trying new things.
If Variety Is the Missing SpiceThere are many ways to add variety to an already satisfying relationship. Try a new position. Do it outdoors or on the kitchen floor. Try one-way sex in order to give each person the chance to simply receive pleasure. Try having sex without orgasm for a month.
I need a shift from the routine. What can I do?
Imagine a weekend away at a luxury hotel, a camping trip, a cabin in the mountains, or a seaside resort. Pick a place were there isn't much to do except stay in your wonderful hideout. Take along a Kama Sutra kit, massage oil, scarves, a love game, lingerie, champagne, or anything else you can come up with!
If you have not explored the G-spot or the anal area, see what that holds for you. Dress up as someone different and act out the part (maybe you still have that old cheerleader outfit stored away somewhere). Have a fight about something you've both been avoiding. All these things can renew your feelings of love and lust. Try any of them that appeal to you, or better yet, try them all.
