Fitting in Between Two Worlds
Talk about being between a rock and a hard place … Suffering from infertility when you already have a child certainly qualifies you for this category. Trying to fit into a fertile world and being a part of all the conversation about having babies and the joys of new motherhood may leave you feeling awkward. And yet, do you really fit into the world of IVF and fertility treatments? Perhaps you don't belong in either group.
Feelings like this can leave you very desperate for help. You don't feel comfortable talking to the people who are suffering from primary infertility. And yet the other groups who have no trouble getting pregnant certainly don't understand you either. Isolation from the world can be easy to fall into, but it is very detrimental to your spirit and your health.
Try to find a support group for others who are suffering from secondary infertility. You can ask through major organizations like RESOLVE and INCIID if they have anything local. Or you could ask at your local infertility organization if any members have agreed to be peer counselors for others going through secondary infertility issues. Finding someone else who has been in the same situation can be a great source of help and reassurance. It lets you know that you are not alone in your journey, that you are not the only one who has ever walked this path.
You may find yourself pulling away from babies that you see in public or even babies that belong to your friends. This can be a normal occurrence when suffering from secondary infertility. Try to decide if you are better off avoiding these situations or if there is a way you can handle them comfortably.
Once you find someone else who has been through secondary infertility, you have a safe place to share your feelings. Of course, you still need to be able to talk to your partner about your issues as a couple and his personal issues as someone experiencing the inability to have a child.
There are also online support systems available to those who have access to the Internet or e-mail. These groups may participate on bulletin boards, e-mail chains, or in chat rooms. Sometimes it's helpful for you to be able to just read the stories of other families experiencing similar trials to the ones you are living with. This is particularly true of those with positive endings and helpful suggestions.