Emotions
Women's emotional states after suffering from a miscarriage can be vastly different. You might be sad at the end of your pregnancy. Perhaps you're relieved because you feel it's nature's way of taking care of a problem. You might even feel physically better because you have suffered from physically painful symptoms for quite some time.
No matter what you feel, it is perfectly normal. Some families are completely devastated, while others don't seem to be phased at all. Your religious beliefs may play a part of how you feel about the loss of your pregnancy. If religion and spiritual beliefs are important to you, they might be a great source of solace as well.
RememberingLosing a baby at any stage may be one of the hardest things you will ever live through. In addition to losing that baby and dream, you may have health concerns about yourself and for future pregnancies. However, it's important to remember to take the time to grieve your loss. Failing to grieve can lead to future problems, including experiencing intense grief during future pregnancies. Here are some ideas to help you remember your lost babies at this or any time of year.
Consider giving your baby a name. If it feels right or good, do it. Don't let anyone else tell you how to grieve. It doesn't matter how far along your pregnancy was or whether or not you knew the gender.
Save something from the experience, such as ultrasound photos.
Create a ritual for you or your family. This can be anything that you find meaningful — visiting the grave site or special location that makes you think of your baby, or giving a special donation to a charity or religious foundation on an annual basis.
Have a memorial service for your baby. Again, no matter how long you had your baby, he or she was still a part of you and recognizing this publicly can be very healing. It can also provide your friends and family a chance to express their grief and help you during this time.
Send announcements about your baby's life. It can include a prayer or blessing, some special poem, and the vital statistics of your baby. You may choose to include a photograph of your child. This is a public way to announce the birth/death of your child and ask for community support.
Buy something special that represents your baby or pregnancy. This can be something elaborate like a box to hold all of your mementos. Or it could be a brick in a memorial wall.
Make a donation to a cause. You can donate anything — time, gifts, or money.
SHARE is an organization set up to help grieving families. They also offer a free printed newsletter for families who have experienced a loss, including a section for memorials and celebrations. You can contact the National SHARE Office at: 800-821-6819.
There are many ways to remember your baby. Take your time. There is no need to rush. Nor is there a limit on what you can do. Do what feels right for you and your family.
Trying AgainTrying to have a baby after your loss will usually mean making more pregnancy-related decisions than before you experienced a loss. You will want to talk to your husband or partner as well as your medical team for advice. If you had medical treatment or testing is still pending, it might be best to wait. How long depends on what type of treatment you had and what testing you are waiting on. You may be asked to wait for two to three cycles if all else is normal.
When you go on and have more children, you may worry about your previous losses. You might remember your lost baby on special days, like your baby's birthday or the day he or she died. Perhaps you recall your baby on holidays. Or you might even remember on the baby's due date.
If you have recently suffered a loss, people may not know what to say to you. Sometimes they may make comments that are awkward, but remember that the person is only trying to help. They may not realize that they are causing your further pain. A polite statement of what you need from them can help clarify what you want and need, even if that is to be left alone.
It is perfectly normal and acceptable to think about past pregnancies and babies that are no longer with you. How you choose to celebrate or keep that memory, if you choose to do so, is your own calling. Do not be deterred by others who have made different choices for themselves.
Pregnancy loss is not something that you ever really get over. Not matter how you lost your baby or at what point in pregnancy, you will more than likely have feelings of depression and loss. Mourning and grieving the loss of your baby is an important step in healing emotionally. If you decide to try again, remember to take the appropriate steps to help you get answers about physical readiness for future pregnancies.
