As the old joke goes, “I won't become my mother.” As everyone knows, these are famous last words.

Having a child is mentally and emotionally taxing. You will have new physical worries about your new baby and your body. You need to look at all the relationships around you as you begin to contemplate this journey.

Your Husband or Partner

You and your husband or partner have probably already thought about the kind of parents you want to be. Do you want to be the same type of parents you had? Do you want to be different? More importantly, how do the views you have match up with the ideas held by your partner?

The two of you need to be in the same place on the decision to have a child for the smoothest ride down the aisle of babes. If you and your partner see eye to eye on the decision to have a baby you've crossed a huge hurdle. Though not the only hurdle in your way, it is a large one.

Another hurdle that can be a real eye-opener if you and your partner haven't discussed it is that of how to raise your children. This topic delves into many personal aspects of your life and your very essence of being. For example, what religion will you raise the child? How do you feel about discipline? Where will you live?

These may seem like no-brainers to you. Perhaps you feel you've already had these discussions with your partner. Even so, it can't hurt to revisit the issues that are most important to you. And if you come across conflicting views don't panic! It's not the end to your child-bearing years. You haven't ended before you've begun. Simply sit down and try to reach a compromise.

A compromise doesn't have to mean perfect agreement. Perhaps you really want to move to the suburbs but your husband wants to stay in the city close to his job. Talk about the real issues under the surface. Is he worried about the commute? Is he worried about money? Are you concerned about crime and city schools? Perhaps there is a compromise you can make to satisfy all of the needs that are really important. The only way to find out is to talk about it.

Find a time that is calm and not hurried to hash things out. Don't choose breakfast or dinner times but rather make it a quiet and comfortable discussion. Use “I” statements when stating how you feel. For example, “I am worried about living in the city with a new baby.” Rather than, “You don't care if we raise the baby in the noisy city.”

Try not to discuss everything all at once. One or two major topics are about all anyone can handle in an evening. Also try not to make rash decisions or make compromises you can't live with. Offer to sleep on it or to do more research. Use your network of friends and family to figure out how you wish to parent. Read books, talk to neighbors, and watch others as they raise their kids. You'll navigate the paths ahead of you more easily than you thought if you talk it out.

It's much easier to see both sides when you are sitting down and calmly and rationally discussing issues. Take a piece of paper and one of you should mark down the pros and cons of each of the ideas discussed.

Seeing what you are discussing on paper can often clear up misunderstandings and give you a better idea of where your spouse stands on the issue. This better understanding often leads to agreement on information and future decisions. It also teaches you great conflict resolution skills! Try to use these quiet, nonthreatening tactics each time you address any issue that is important to you.

Your Parents

You may be concerned with how your parents will view you as a parent. If so, you are likely to see them partially as role models and partially as adversaries in the process of child-rearing. They will have advice that you may want to take, but they may also have advice that is simply not right for your family.

It's okay to not raise your baby the same way either of your parents raised you. Just be aware that this can lead to some hurt feelings along the way. Explain to your parents and in-laws that you are doing what you feel is right for your baby given the information that is available today. Try not to let differences in parenting styles take center stage in your conversations.

Other Children

Subsequent children are a whole new ball game! Your other bundles of joy are getting older. They might think a new sibling is the neatest thing since sliced bread, or it could be the worst thing to happen in their lives. Prepare them with the information they need to know. You should offer age-specific information all along the way, from even the youngest child on up. Information can be in the form of books, videos, and exposure to other babies and small children.

The older the child the more they will be able to grasp the concept of a new baby and the earlier you can talk to them about this. Younger children have very little concept of time and therefore have complications with being told too soon. It's also wise to tell them only the information that they are asking for and not more information than they are ready to handle. If you're unsure of the question that they are asking, try to probe them for more information about their question.

Friends

Having a baby changes everything when it comes to your friends. If you have friends without children, you can expect more changes to your relationships with them than with your friends who already have children of their own. You simply are going through two different stages of life and this gap may enter into your relationship with your single or childless friends.

If you are having your first child, you will likely find that you will grow closer to your other friends with children in many cases. This may be because you have more in common, which can be nice.

However, you may find that you develop a parenting style that is radically different from that of your friends and you or your friends may find this different style threatening. What you need to remember is that parenting styles are a very personal choice. You need to do what works for your family and that may not be what works for your friends and their families. Reserve judgment, however, as all parents encounter challenges that will throw them from time to time.

If you are the first person in your social group to have a baby, then you might find that your friendships become more strained. This is truer after the baby comes than before. While your friends will be happy for you, they will often feel as if you are changing in a way that excludes them from the picture.

You can assure them that while you may be more limited in what you will be able to do, you will still be able to go out with them occasionally. You might also assure them that you will be perfectly capable of conversing about something other than your new baby! Having a baby doesn't change who you are; it adds a new dimension.