Should You Stay or Should You Go?
There are two basic schools of thought on crying babies who won't sleep. The first is to simply let the baby cry itself to sleep, only returning to the crib if something seems seriously wrong. Some parents who have tried this method swear by it, saying that the crying time gets smaller and smaller each day until baby can finally go to sleep without crying. In the old days, this method was employed to keep parents from “spoiling” the baby with too much attention.
Other parents prefer a more hands-on approach and aren't afraid of spoiling a small baby with on-demand cuddling or comforting. Their point of view is that babies need to know they can depend on their parents when they need them and that babies are really too young to be manipulative about their parent's attention.
It's important to note, however, that most experts don't believe that you can spoil a young infant by holding them too much. Comforting your baby is one of the most loving things you can do!
The Ferber Method
The most popular proponent of the “walk-away” method of getting a baby to sleep is Dr. Richard Ferber. Widely known as the Ferber method, this approach suggests that you put the baby to sleep at night when he or she is still somewhat awake, so that baby learns to fall asleep without you.
Soon after you put baby down in the crib the first night, Ferber says, you need to leave the room. You can go back into the room after five minutes have passed, but just to console baby with a tummy pat or stroke of the cheek for a short time.
Ferber advises against picking the baby up or rocking the baby, as these are comfort solutions that baby could learn to use in place of good sleep habits, or as a stall tactic when he is older.
Alert
There is still controversy over which method really works best. However, most pediatricians discourage new parents from letting a colicky baby cry it out. They reason that a colicky baby is usually less than two to three months old, and that's simply too young to be left alone to cry for long periods of time.
When you leave the room a second time, you should wait 10 minutes before reentering the room, and if there's a third time, wait 15 minutes before returning to comfort baby. With the Ferber method, you increase each wait time by five minutes each night, until baby learns to fall asleep without you.
Though it may be difficult to listen to baby's crying, it's important to remember that this method is safe and that your child will learn that crying to bring you back into the room isn't worth the effort.
The No-Cry Sleep Solution
For parents who don't want to let their babies cry it out, Elizabeth Pantley's book No-Cry Sleep Solution is a welcome approach. Pantley advises parents to set realistic expectations for baby's sleep routine; for instance, if you have a six-week-old that wakes up two or three times each night to eat, that is considered to be normal. However, for sleep issues that fall into the problematic category, Pantley recommends that you:
Develop a bedtime routine
Set an early bedtime
Follow a more predictable daytime routine that's still a bit flexible
Have baby take regular naps each day
Help your baby learn to fall asleep without your help
Of course, your baby may still cry or fuss about your bedtime routine, but this approach stresses that you won't be leaving baby alone to cry it out; rather, you will log baby's sleep patterns, create a personal sleep plan, and change your baby's sleep “associations” so that sleep time is a more peaceful, restful transition.
