If the baby isn't a “good sleeper,” don't ever become self-recriminating over it. It's not that you're being a bad mother. It's not that you don't know how to get him to sleep. It's not that you're doing anything wrong or failing to do something right. The baby is simply doing what babies do: crying often, sleeping in cycles that don't conform to yours, and demonstrating perfectly normal, natural actions that are in no way the result of any failure or inadequacy on your part.

If your friend had a baby right around the same time you did and your friend's baby gets up once during the night for a bottle and goes right back to sleep, while yours is up for hours on end, don't feel inadequate. Don't feel you must be doing something wrong. Feel envious if you wish. That's entirely appropriate. Your friend is getting a good night's sleep every night, while you're miserable. Envy is totally understandable. Of course, you wish your baby would start sleeping better! But it's not because your friend is a better mother or is doing something right that you're not.

If your husband is failing to shoulder his share of the nighttime brigade chores, blame him for your tiredness if you wish, but the baby's sleeplessness isn't his fault any more than it's your fault or anyone's. It's not because he played with her or talked to her too loudly before bedtime or tiptoed in to see if she was okay.

It's a natural human trait to want to find a scapegoat, someone or something on which we can place blame when things go wrong. But the only “blame” here falls squarely on nature: It's natural for babies to be awake at night sometimes, to cry, fail to sleep, and drive their parents to the edge of tolerance. It's nobody's fault but nature's — not yours, not your husband's, not that of the friend or pediatrician or other expert whose advice you've been following, and not that of the baby herself. Stuff happens.

So do your best to calm her down, be grateful when she goes back to sleep, make sure your husband does his fair share, and get rest whenever you can. Better days — and nights — are ahead.