Coping When Baby Won't Sleep
When your baby is awake in the middle of the night, you're going to do everything you can think of to make him more comfortable and help him get back to sleep. If he's an infant new to this world, there may be no specific problem. He's simply awake at an inappropriate time, not sleepy as you'd like him to be, and there's nothing to do but to stay up with him until he goes back to sleep or at least is willing to lie quietly in his crib. If he doesn't seem hungry or he's just nursed or had a bottle and still is awake, chalk it up to the sleep irregularities of infancy. Resign yourself to being awake for a few hours.
Essential
Playing with your baby is not a good idea. Not only do you not want him to get revved up, but you also want him to learn that nighttime is quiet time and that night-time is for sleeping. Don't send him the wrong signals by engaging him in a game. Talk to him. Sing to him. Hold him and snuggle him. Rock him or walk with him. But now is not the time for peek-a-boo or “This Little Piggy” or “Where Is Thumbkin?”
You can try rocking him, walking with him, or any of the other things suggested in this book, and one of them might work. But there's also a good chance that he's simply going to be awake for a while, maybe even for several hours. Think of it as spending some more precious time with your baby (soon enough you'll wonder when he grew up so fast) and make the best of it. If you let yourself get frustrated at his wakefulness and your resultant inability to sleep, you'll only grow angry at him and also become so agitated that, even when he finally does go back to sleep, you'll be unable to drift off yourself.
Better to relax and rest as best you can, perhaps in your rocking chair, with your baby in one arm and a good book in the other hand. If you can put on some soft, relaxing music without waking anyone else, go ahead and do it. Even if it doesn't do anything for your baby, you need to relax.
You may find that you feel better about being awake if you accomplish something. Perhaps you can hold him in the crook of one arm while using your other hand to make out a grocery list. If you're a hunt-and-peck typist rather than a touch typist and typing with only one hand won't bother you, use the opportunity to get on the computer and answer e-mail, visit that Web site you've been meaning to check out, or download some new recipes. Write up that letter you owe your mother. How about sending out some thank-you notes for baby gifts? If you still owe some thank-yous, now would be a good time to write them.
If you can't sleep, the next best thing is to be productive. Then you won't feel quite as bad about being awake for a while. At least you'll have accomplished something meaningful with your time. If you don't work outside the home, or you're still on maternity leave, or are working from home, you can try to catch a nap during the day. Just as with babies, adult naps don't totally make up for lost sleep at nighttime. But they sure go a long way toward helping.
Conflicting Schedules
Unless your situation is unusual, in his first few weeks or months your baby will wake up often during the night and not always go back to sleep after he's been fed. It isn't easy, but it's what's normal for babies. There's nothing wrong with him. You and your spouse and any other members of your family have some rough nights ahead. It's normal to be disappointed, to be frustrated, and to be sleepy. You want seven or eight hours of solid sleep in a night. Your baby has other ideas.
If you're already back to work and not working from a home office or if you're parenting one or more other children, you may not be able to nap on and off through the day when your baby does. Even if there are no other kids and no job to require you to stay awake all day, the phone, household chores, doorbell, or your Things To Do list may not let you nap. But if you understand that a baby who wakes in the middle of the night may be up for two hours or perhaps even longer, you may be better prepared to accept this behavior on his part.
Getting Your Husband Involved
Even in the old days when dads were less involved in childrearing than they are now, many fathers recognized their responsibilities when it came to babies who cried in the middle of the night. Fathers through the ages have paced the floor with their little ones on their shoulders, trying to calm the crying.
Nursing moms are at a bit of a disadvantage; it's harder to get Dad to cover the 2:00 A.M. feeding. But that doesn't let Dad totally off the hook.
Mom can leave some breast milk in a bottle in the fridge in advance of the 2:00 A.M. feeding, which Dad can then offer the baby while Mom sleeps.
Dad can feed formula to the baby on occasion so that Mom can sleep through a middle-of-the-night feeding.
Mom can get up to take care of the feeding, but then let it be Dad's turn if Baby won't go back to sleep after nursing or if Baby wakes up again a little while later and presumably isn't hungry again so soon.
Don't plead. Don't beg. It makes it seem like you're asking him for a favor. It's not a favor. This is his child, his baby, as much his child as yours and as much his responsibility as yours. Not only should he get up and take the baby from her crib some of the times she's crying in the middle of the night, but if you've been up with her for an hour or two and she's not ready to go back to sleep yet, rouse your husband from his sleep and tell him it's his turn; you're tired from walking the floor, you're sleepy, and he can take over for the next hour or two or until she goes back to sleep.
Subtle Communication
In the meanwhile, send him signals and learn to read his. Leave him alone in the crib when he's awake in the middle of the night if he's not crying. If he's merely cooing but not upset and setting up a fuss, there's no reason to pick him up. He can lie there and make noises. Let him be. His sounds may keep you awake, but you can read, listen to music, watch TV, or get something accomplished until he goes back to sleep or until he erupts into crying. You might even try lying down and resting. His cooing may keep you from sleeping, but you can still relax. If he's not crying, there's no reason to get on edge.
Learn the ways this book teaches you to soothe him to sleep so that eventually he goes back to sleep and you can get back to sleep, too. Send him signals such as talking in a quiet voice, not playing, and not turning the lamps on brightly so that he knows that daytime is for being awake and that the night is for sleeping. Be aware of his signals, too.
You've already learned about signals to watch for that will indicate he is growing sleepy. Babies have their own language. It isn't verbal. But you and he can communicate with each other.
