It isn't easy to remain upbeat and positive in the face of overwhelming pain and fatigue. In fact, it's much easier to become discouraged, depressed, and frustrated. But when it comes to living with fibromyalgia, a positive attitude goes a long way toward getting you well and keeping you there. Telling yourself that you will be okay is much more hopeful and promising than saying, “I'll never get better.” But getting yourself to think positively when life looks bleak is difficult and takes practice. To stay positive, you have to keep stress in check, obliterate toxic thoughts that drag your emotions down, and learn to feel good about yourself.

Manage Stress

Nothing sabotages a positive outlook faster than stress, especially when there's too much of it. And let's face it, having a chronic condition like fibromyalgia is certain to cause stress in even the calmest people. You've got too much to do — and no energy to do it. You can't remember anything. To top it off, you're hurting all over. And in addition to your health problems, you've got the kids, the job, and the house. It feels as if the world is crashing in on you, and there's nothing you can do.

Too much stress is hurtful, especially for people who have fibromyalgia. Stress can worsen your pain and fatigue and make it hard to sleep. It can also worsen your fibro fog. In addition, it can make you neglectful of healthy habits so that you wind up eating poorly, forgetting to take medications, and abandoning your exercise regimen.

Beating stress isn't easy, but it can be done. Start by making a commitment to rein in your stress. Keep in mind that as someone with fibromyalgia, for you it is critical to tame your stress. Then make the effort to get it under control with these strategies:

• Set priorities. Focus on what matters most — like your health and your family — and learn to let everything else go.

• Change the way you perceive stressful events. A traffic jam isn't a headache. It's a chance to listen to your favorite music.

• Make time for relaxation. You book everything else in your calendar, so why not make relaxation a part of your day, too?

• Practice positive self-talk. Negative statements can perpetuate your stress. Try talking to yourself with positive comments.

• Maintain a sense of humor. Watch a funny sitcom, or spend time with a friend who makes you laugh.

• Practice deep breathing. Regular deep breathing can lower your stress level and improve your mood.

• Be realistic. Creating unrealistic standards and goals will set you up for disappointment and — you got it — more stress.

• Learn to say no. Don't overcommit yourself. This will come easier once your priorities are in place.

Conquer Difficult Thoughts and Emotions

Everyone knows the emotions that make us feel bad. Anger. Sadness. Frustration. Guilt. All these feelings can make it hard for you to stay positive. But they're also common emotional reactions to having fibromyalgia.

The goal in conquering your difficult emotions isn't to deny them. Instead, you want to channel them so that they don't take over your life. Rather than try to suppress these feelings, try to work through them. Talk them over with a close friend or relative. Write them down in a journal. Acknowledge these emotions, and then move on. If your emotions become overwhelming, seek professional help from a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. In addition, learn to recognize the thoughts that aggravate negative emotions. Always thinking negatively will just drag you into a cesspool of misery. Learning to see when you're getting caught in these traps can help you choose not to fixate on them.

Boost Your Self-Esteem

It's easy to feel badly about yourself when you're sick with fibromyalgia. After all, you may no longer be able to do all the things that you used to do. As a result, you may wonder if you did something to deserve this as you become increasingly frustrated by your illness.

If fibromyalgia has devastated your confidence and self-esteem, it may take a while for you to recover and feel good about yourself. You'll need to uncover or develop new skills and abilities that help mend your confidence. Perhaps you'll realize that you are a truly good friend or an uncommonly good listener. Maybe you'll discover that you're a skilled researcher in your quest for more medical knowledge. Or maybe you'll simply learn that you are a kind person. In any case, you can rebuild your self-esteem as you learn to adjust to having fibromyalgia. Here are some ways to do that:

• Focus on what you can do, not what you can no longer do.

• Explore other interests and hobbies.

• Set realistic goals.

• Do some self-coaching with daily affirmations and positive self-talk.

• Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself and recognize your inherent worth.

When you develop a chronic illness like fibromyalgia, it's more important than ever to separate who you are from what you do. You are not just a mother/wife/job title. You are not just a doting parent, a good cook, or a skilled worker. You are also a person, a worthwhile and interesting person who just happens to have a chronic illness. The fact you have fibromyalgia should not define who you are; rather, it is just one circumstantial aspect of your character.