Most people faced with a serious illness will ride an emotional roller coaster. But the timing of your emotions will vary depending on your individual circumstances. For instance, if it took a long time for you to get diagnosed, you might feel relief at first, even joy, then move on to anger and feelings of isolation later on. Or if you already suffer from low self-esteem, you may feel worthless and guilty right at the start. Those who are prone to stress may be bitter and angry, without feeling sadness.

Some people's emotions follow the same course as the ones outlined by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and her research on the stages of grief. In her book On Death and Dying, Kubler-Ross identified five stages experienced by a patient diagnosed with a terminal disease: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and sadness. Although fibromyalgia is not a deadly disease, the disappointment that can come with having it will almost certainly trigger a grieving process.

In any case, powerful emotions are part of getting diagnosed with a chronic illness. Whatever path your emotions take, it's important not to let them overwhelm you and prevent you from getting the care you need. There are several strategies that can help make you more resilient.

Control Issues

Learning to let go of things you can't control is important for people who have fibromyalgia, not just in terms of their health but in terms of their lives. The only thing you can do is to stop worrying about things you can't control. Try to accept that fibro flares are often unpredictable, that the effects of a medication are often a mystery, and that your day-to-day symptoms will vary. Instead, focus on the moment. That's what Regina does to survive her fibro pain.

As an actress, Regina was trained to work with the magic of the moment. Having lived with fibromyalgia for almost two years now, Regina applies that lesson to her fibromyalgia. So even when she's hurting, she focuses on what else is happening at the moment, which is often more monumental and significant than the pain in her body. “It's a day-to-day process,” she says. “I listen to my body, but refuse to be enslaved by it. I don't believe that my body is me. I believe my mind and heart is me, and that helps free me from the pain.”

Rather than worry about things you did wrong or the future of your health, put your energies into the present, into the very moment. Learn how much you can do without flaring your fibro. Exercise. Stretch. Work on developing a positive attitude. Do affirmations. Write in a journal. Eat properly. Fretting about what's done or what's to come can cause worry and anxiety that will only worsen your symptoms.

Be Realistic

Being unrealistic when you have fibromyalgia only sets you up for disappointment, anger, and frustration. When it happens over and over again, you put yourself at risk for sadness. Keep your plans within reason and certainly within reach. Ask yourself if you can really accomplish what you're planning. For instance, you may have been able to wash and fold three loads of laundry when you were healthy. But now that you have fibromyalgia, it might be more realistic to do one load at a time.

When you're realistic, you also know to accept your limitations. You know you can't hike the way you did before or entertain guests the way you once did. Accept these new developments and look for alternative ways to exercise or entertain. Maybe you can still take slow, easy walks in the neighborhood or host a small group for morning coffee.

Get Positive

Positive thinking can make a world of difference in how you feel emotionally — and physically. While it's impossible for you to think your way out of your illness, the way you think can impact the severity of your symptoms. The more positive you are, the less severe your symptoms will be.

Of course, positive thinking isn't easy when you're feeling so bad. And for some people, who are naturally more cynical and pessimistic, thinking positively doesn't always come naturally. The good news is that you can learn to reframe your thoughts by first recognizing negative thinking and thought patterns, then challenging them with new and positive ideas.

According to Dennis C. Turk, director of the Fibromyalgia Research Center and Professor of Anesthesiology and Pain Research at the University of Washington School of Medicine in Seattle, the ways of negative thinking described in the following sections are the most common.

• Blaming

  Some people mistakenly blame the pain they feel on someone else or on themselves. Excessive self-blame can lead to depression.

• “Should” Statements

  Should statements suggest that you were weak or stupid for something you did or felt. Examples include, “I should feel better than this,” or “I shouldn't have taken that walk.”

• Polarized Thinking

  This type of thinking involves absolutes and uses words such as “every,” “none,” “never,” “always,” “everybody,” and “anybody.” By over-generalizing, you implicitly reinforce the belief that your efforts have failed.

• Catastrophizing

  Imagining the worst outcome and then reacting as if it's coming true can compound your anxiety. Examples include what-ifs, such as “What if my FM never gets better? What if my spouse leaves me? What if I never work again?”

• Control Fallacies

  This type of thinking gives another person total power over the fate of others. Thinking that “My family can't function without me,” or “My doctor is the only one who can help me” are examples of control fallacies.

• Emotional Reasoning

  Allowing your emotions to rule reality means operating on the assumption that what you feel is the truth. So if you feel as if you're on the verge of a flare-up, then you will certainly have one tomorrow. Your emotions overwhelm your ability to reason.

• Filtering

  Focusing only on the negative can obscure something positive that might have occurred or been said. You may choose to remember only those things that support your angry feelings.

• Entitlement Fallacy

  Some people think that life owes them a pain-free existence. As a result, they feel cheated and focus on the injustice of being sick.

Once you recognize the types of negative thoughts that plague your mind, try to find alternative ways of thinking. Devise new statements and thought patterns that counter the negative ones. Be patient as you work toward change. It will take time to transform your thinking.

Learn to Communicate Effectively

Some people bottle up their feelings. Others send the wrong messages. Still others talk incessantly to the point where their message is lost. But when you have a chronic illness like fibromyalgia, you need to communicate clearly and effectively with everyone around you, from your spouse and your children to your doctors and health-care team.

Effective communication means speaking up and making your needs known. Don't expect that your spouse automatically knows when you're feeling bad or that your friend can tell when you're asking for her help. Tell them. That's how Christina finally got some much-needed child-care assistance from friends.

Christina had two young kids and a husband who traveled all the time for his job. She also had fibromyalgia. Having the kids around the clock became exhausting until she finally suggested to a friend that they take turns swapping babysitting. The kids had a play date, and the moms got a break. Soon the babysitting swap was a weekly routine. “Now, I tell everyone with fibromyalgia to ask for help,” Christina says.

When you do speak up, do it in a way that isn't offensive and abrasive. For instance, announcing to your husband that he never helps around the house is not exactly going to inspire his assistance. But if you tell him that you'd like it if he could clean the bathrooms this weekend, you're more apt to get the help you want.

Need Help?

If you've tried to take control of difficult emotions and still find yourself overwhelmed, it might be time to get help from a mental-health professional. Talking to a professional counselor can sometimes help you overcome the difficulties you have managing your feelings. A therapist can also help you devise strategies to overcome destructive emotions.