Learning to Be a Good Dad
So, what kind of dad are you going to be? It's easy to say that you are going to be the best dad ever, but it is harder to actually earn that honor. Your past experiences with your own father and other role models as well as your personal feelings about fatherhood will all affect the way you act as a father.
Qualities of a Good Father
Do you even know what being a good father means? It will mean different things for different families, but it usually isn't about how much money you make, all of the things you can buy your family, or how successful you are at work. It's more about being available and supporting your family with your love and attention.
Being an equal partner when it comes to taking care of your baby is one of the most important qualities of a good father. Others include:
Understanding your family's needs
Offering unconditional love
Having patience
Being generous with your time
Setting a good example
Staying calm and learning to teach when you discipline (instead of simply relying on physical punishment to stop bad behaviors)
Being responsible with your family's money
How do you acquire these qualities of a good father? The average dad isn't going to be able to simply choose what type of father he will be. His own experiences, expectations, and overall personality will shape his actions and have a big influence on the type of father he will be.
Being a good father can be harder if you didn't have a strong role model to lead the way for you. But unless you want your kids to have the same problem once they begin to have kids, learn to be a good role model of fatherhood for them.
Like Father, Like Son?
How you were raised is going to be one of the big influences on the type of father that you will be. What role did your own father have when you were growing up? Was he simply a strict disciplinarian, or did he take a more active role in your care? Was your father even around very much?
For good or bad, the type of father you had is likely to influence what kind of father you will become. Because that influence isn't always obvious, understanding the relationship between your father's parenting style and your own is important.
When considering your own father's parenting style, you do have to keep in mind that the role of a father was different when you were growing up. Just because he wasn't in the delivery room and didn't change diapers doesn't mean that he was a bad father. Those things weren't widely expected of fathers back then.
Even though your personal experiences and role models will have a big effect on the type of father you become, you can make a conscious decision to be the best father you can be. Learning about the different types of fathers will help you to learn what to strive for, as well as what not to do.
If you do think that your father did a poor job, it doesn't mean that he has to have a negative influence on you. Even having a bad father can help you to be a better dad, because you will have firsthand experience of the things that a dad shouldn't do. Do you wish that your father had been more available? Do you think he used physical punishment too much? Then be sure that you don't make those same mistakes.
Other than your own father, other role models may have influenced what kind of father you will be. These might include other family members, friends, and coworkers. Your role models should not be limited to the fathers you see on TV. Unlike the Ward Cleavers and other fathers of the sitcoms of the 1950s and '60s, who often portrayed the qualities of a good father, today's TV dads are more often incompetent and just offer comic relief.
