Fathers around the globe (at least in countries where marriages aren't arranged) go through the torture of being traded in by their daughters for True Love. It's not easy to raise a little girl and have her think you hung the moon, only to see all that admiration — and more — recycled and given to a new guy at some point. Sometimes it's difficult to separate your feelings of sadness at this new phase of life from any actual feelings of dislike you might have for your daughter's potential groom. (Do you simply resent his presence, or is he really a rat?) However, with the right attitude you can gracefully handle your move from number one man in your daughter's life to a close second.

Accept It

Sad as it may be to watch your little girl suddenly hang on this young man's every word (the way she used to listen to you), it's only natural. You knew she would leave the house one day, and you probably knew that it would be to marry some guy. The time has come. Instead of focusing on how quickly she grew up (and by extension, how old you're feeling), take a step outside of the situation and take inventory: Isn't it great that she found someone that she wants to grow old with? Isn't it better that she's happy because of this man instead of being lonely and sad?

Some dads have absolutely no problem letting go of their position in their daughter's lives (this is particularly true of fathers who have left the bulk of the child-raising to their wives). They're able to see this transition as nature taking its course. For other dads (especially those who have made every effort to be a central part of their daughters' lives), this can be an absolutely heartbreaking experience — made more difficult by the fact that no one will want to acknowledge your feelings except to tell you that you're being self-centered and that you need to get over it.

Harsh words? Yes. True words? Sorry, but yes. The focus at this time is on your daughter and whether she's doing the right thing for herself. Is she happy? Is the young man in question going to make a good husband? These are the things that really matter.

Encourage It

“Yeah, right,” you're thinking, “I'm going to encourage my daughter to knock me down a peg in her life. Sure I am.”

Well, consider this: If you encourage her dependence on you and your opinion, she's not connecting with her fiancé on certain issues — in fact, she may not be connecting with him on any issues if her first thought on any big topic is always, “I wonder what Dad would say about this?” This might seem like a fine and dandy set-up to you, and it may well be keeping the peace, as far as you're concerned (hey, the boyfriend doesn't seem to mind, and you don't have to be resentful of the guy for taking your place). However, in the long run, it's a sure bet that this little arrangement is going to cause problems. Though your daughter's heart may be in the right place (or maybe she truly hasn't ever made a move without consulting you), in the end, this is a recipe for newlywed disaster.

So are you supposed to withhold your help and life experience from her if she asks for advice? No. Of course not. She's your baby; you'll always help her if she asks. Just be careful not to get in the middle of decisions that should be made by her and her new husband. For example, if she comes to you asking for a loan so that she can buy a new car, sit down with both of them and discuss the terms of the loan and whether both of them are in on this. The last thing you want to do is to make her husband feel as though he can't provide her with the kind of life that you and she both feel she deserves.

The best thing you can do for your daughter and her new marriage is to gracefully take a step back, away from the center of her life. There is no competition for her affections. They're completely different types of love — apples and oranges. But her relationship with her husband has to come first if the marriage is going to last. It's that simple.