Funny thing about mothers of the bride. They often spend every bit as much time as the bride does planning the wedding, and then on the day of the event, they're pushed aside by tradition in favor of the bride's dad, who takes center stage along with the bride in church and in the traditional father-daughter dance at the reception. Of course, everyone knows when a particular mother of the bride is the ringleader and grand poobah of the entire day. Still…it doesn't seem fair that she isn't a star of the show, like you are. What can you do to make this day special for her?

Talk to Her

She may be every bit as nervous and uptight as the bride is, worrying about whether the caterers will show up on time, how the bridesmaids will act during the reception (no one likes a drunken maid of honor, you know), and how long the priest will ramble on during his homily (the forecast is for high humidity, and the guests will be antsy to get out of church).

Ask how and if you can help. Just as your daughter isn't really herself today…neither is the mother of the bride. Some moms live by the mantra, “If you want it done right, do it yourself.” For example, don't jump in and sign for the flower delivery if you have no idea what it's supposed to include — but do offer to help in other areas while your wife takes care of her business. Are there any phone calls that need to be made? Does she need anything from the store? Is one of the bridesmaids stranded on the side of the road, in desperate need of a lift?

Be Affectionate

In the excitement of the whole day, it's easy for you and your wife to lose sight of the romance that surrounds any wedding. Take the time to dance with her, to tell her how beautiful she looks, to hold her hand while the two of you exit the ceremony site. Go the extra mile and pull out her chair for her at dinner or fetch her a fresh drink from the bar (she's going to need it). Remember, as much work and stress as this wedding has meant for you, it's probably been more time-consuming and labor-intensive for her. She has a show to run today, so step in and let her know she's doing a great job and that you'd marry her all over again.

Hello, Madame Ex

If you're divorced from the mother of the bride, your daughter's wedding might just bring out some feelings about your ex that you don't know what to do with — sadness, regret, a lingering contempt for the woman…

Whatever the case, your time together produced the lovely young woman in the big white dress, so hold your tongue and do your best to be pleasant. If the divorce was amicable, your experience will probably be fairly typical — you'll say hello, make small talk, share space around the bride. If the separation was about as bad as it possibly could have been, you might feel uncomfortable making pleasant chitchat with your ex.

It's your duty to put your best game face on and be pleasant to everyone — even to your former spouse. Say hello to her, provided you can do so without scowling. Even if you haven't spoken in eons, a simple “hello” is really all that's required, especially if the situation is decidedly bitter. You're a mature guy, remember, and the cohost of this event, so pull it together for the sake of the bride.