You're really not sad, you say. You're actually feeling pretty excited about your daughter's wedding day. She's found a great guy, after all, and you're going to reconnect with a lot of friends and relatives you haven't seen in ages. Plus, you look pretty dapper in your tux and you can't wait to boogie the night away. If you've never acted as father of the bride before, you may be surprised to learn that you're going to be a busy little bee on the day of the ceremony — and if you're not careful to slow down and smell the roses, you might wind up feeling as though you missed something. Or everything.

Before the Ceremony

Ah, the hours before the wedding. The day starts out simply enough, but as the time for departure draws near, the atmosphere of your home will become charged with excitement and maybe a little anxiety (or maybe a lot). Before the bridesmaids pull into the driveway, before your daughter gets herself all gussied up, try to make some time to talk with the bride. Ask her if there's anything you can do. Tell her how happy you are for her. Tie up any loose ends now. Once the day gets cooking, her mind will be on other things — like her hair, her nails, her honeymoon.

Invasion of the Maids!

Once the bridesmaids start arriving, you'll likely be pushed aside. It really is their responsibility to help the bride prepare for the ceremony — though sometimes they do nothing more than fight each other for space in front of the mirror; still, traditionally speaking, this is a time when the women are busy preparing themselves for the ceremony, so you can reasonably duck out of sight and get yourself going.

You should have had a haircut at least two weeks prior to the big event, and you should absolutely be clean-shaven (or, in the case of the bearded father, neatly trimmed up for your big scene, gliding down the aisle).

If you tried on the entire tuxedo ensemble when you picked up your duds, you should be all set. Once you're dressed, have someone else — preferably your wife or a brutally honest daughter — give you the once-over. Is your cummerbund on correctly? Is your tie tied correctly? Any loose threads or hairs on your jacket? Any scuffs on the shoes? There's really not much more to preparing yourself beyond this.

Picture Time

When the photographer arrives, your presence will be requested in several scenes. Then you'll be excused and the bridesmaids, again, will take your place. This is fine and good. Less is always more.

When you're posing for pictures, try to come off looking happy — but natural. If you've suffered the agony of appearing rigid or just plain goofy in pictures all of your life, start practicing your smile well in advance of the wedding day. It's bad enough to look weird in the pictures that are upstairs in a shoebox; a bad likeness captured for posterity in a wedding album is something that will follow you forever.

Practicing a smile sounds ridiculous and vain to you? Maybe it is, but if you've never taken a good picture, the reason for this could be as simple as your not knowing what you look like when you're showing your pearly whites. Maybe you shouldn't show them. Maybe opening your mouth wide enough to show both rows of choppers has the unintended effect of making your eyes look squinty and your cheeks appear rather chipmunk-like.

Tinkering with your smile — in the privacy of your own bathroom — could improve your appearance on film. (Will it still seem ridiculous and vain when everyone tells you that you look like a movie star in the wedding pictures?)

The Longest Ride

If a limo has been heralded to whisk you and your daughter to the church, you're in for a trip like no other — and not only because some strange man is driving. The ride to the church can be nerve-wracking, or it can be fun, or it can be completely silent. You won't know until the wheels are in motion. This is the time to take a look at your daughter and try to determine how she's holding up.

There's no way to even guess how she might feel until the actual day of the wedding — some brides, even those who have been incredibly difficult during the months of planning, acquire an ethereal calm on their wedding days. Other brides, including some who have been easygoing and pleasant in the months leading up to the big day, completely lose their minds when they step into their wedding gowns.

Your job is to respond to her emotional state and to make the best of it. If she's happy, you're all set. If she's nervous or sad or she's on the verge of some sort of breakdown, your task will be a little harder. What's a dad to do in this situation?

• Follow her lead. If she tells you she'd rather not talk, don't force it.

• Calm her. If she's nervous about her appearance or the reception, tell her everything is going to be perfect.

• Don't get mushy. The last thing a faltering bride needs is encouragement to cry.

• Crack a joke or two…so long as your attempts at humor don't agitate her further.

If all of this fails, hold her hand and sit quietly. Some brides are just frazzled, and there's precious little that will calm their nerves.