Your Estranged, Engaged Daughter
You got the call: Your little girl is getting married. You obviously wish her the best, but since you haven't been involved in her life for years, you're wondering what she wants or expects from you at this point, as far as the wedding is concerned. You feel sort of bad about reentering her life simply because she's getting married (because, in fact, you've been meaning to get in touch with her for…well, a long time), but since she's the one who initiated the contact, she must want you around for this.
Getting Back in Touch
If she is the one who came looking for you, then your assumption is correct. She wouldn't have tracked you down to let you know about her marriage if she didn't want to reconnect with you. Consider yourself a lucky man and seize the opportunity. If you've been less than responsible in your relationship with your daughter up 'til this point, resolve to change your ways. A lot of distant dads don't get a second chance to make things right.
That being said, you may have no idea what's important to a bride/daughter and what isn't. Start with this list:
Timely communications. If she calls you on Monday and asks you to call her back, don't wait two weeks. Return the call ASAP.
Honesty. Don't tell her that you have all sorts of contacts and can get her a great deal on all of her wedding expenses unless (and until) you're 100 percent positive that you can. Nothing turns an adult kid off faster than a dad who's all talk.
Openness. Especially if you've been out of contact for some time, get to know her again. And let go of your preconceived notions of who she is. (She may have been into gymnastics the last time you saw her, but now she might be into investment banking.)
Respect for her boundaries. Even though
Don't Jump in Too Quickly
Be sure you weigh the situation carefully. If your daughter hasn't actually come looking for you, but you've heard through the grapevine she's engaged, you may feel the urge to give her a call and get back into her life. Your instincts are half-right.
Giving her a call or sending her a card wishing her well is great. After all,
Extending your good wishes to her is enough, for now. She'll know where you are, and she'll know you're well aware of her impending nuptials. If she responds positively to your overtures, you're doing well. If she doesn't, you can't force it.