Too many times, family members make the mistake of presuming that a wedding will heal old wounds and clear the path for a happy future together. That's a lot to expect from one event; family ties need time to strengthen themselves. That's not to say that your daughter's engagement can't be the impetus for family healing — just don't set your sights unrealistically high. Take it slow, and you'll have a better shot at establishing a new, better relationship with her.

How can you convince your family to stop the fighting and ensure a smooth wedding season for everyone when the planning requires all of you to be in the same room? Lay the ground rules down to everyone who's involved:

• Raised voices will not be tolerated.

• No name calling.

• You will act fairly as moderator (even if the thought of doing so scares the living daylights out of you).

• Each person will be able to finish his or her thought before someone else speaks.

If all else fails…stay away from each other. There's nothing wrong with keeping separate camps during this time. It will require a big effort on your part, but sometimes it's the only way to get things done.