Of course, the issue of marriage and remarriage and how it affects your daughter is one of the smaller concerns when there are kids involved. Though stepfamilies are hardly unusual these days, making the move from planning the future to actually being involved in a whole new family dynamic isn't easy on most blended clans. You're in a tough spot, Grandpa (or Step-Grandpa). You're watching from the sidelines, hoping that everything turns out all right.

Her Kids

Your grandchildren are getting a new stepfather, and possibly some stepsiblings — along with the whole kit and kaboodle of step relatives. If the kids seem to be making the adjustment well, count your blessings. However, if you sense there's trouble afoot (the kids are reluctant to even talk about the wedding, for example, or are all too eager to bash the groom and his brood), you're probably losing some sleep over the matter. At the very least, you are wondering what — if any — responsibilities you have in this matter. Should a grandparent butt in during this situation?

Every set of circumstances will be different, of course, but in the end, there's really not a whole lot you can do. You can't stop the wedding; you can't take your grandkids away from your daughter; and if you overstep your boundaries (by telling your daughter that her choices are hurting her kids), you may never see those kids again. The best thing that you can do is to let your grandchildren know that you support them and that you're there if they need you. Be their rock.

They'll probably need you a lot in the months following the wedding, if everyone in their home is really having a tough time getting used to each other. Try not to blatantly take sides on any one issue, but also avoid playing devil's advocate too much — especially with teenagers. What these kids need is to know that someone really cares what they're going through; they need a sounding board.

His Kids

Of course, the wedding could make you an instant grandparent if your childless daughter is marrying a man with kids from another relationship. How do you handle that one?

It's fairly easy to look at these kids as having nothing to do with you — after all, they aren't your grand-kids, and you don't expect to have a whole lot to do with them after the wedding, especially if they've already got a set (or two) of biological grandparents. You could be right on the money here, and that may be exactly the way things work out for you in this situation — but it doesn't have to be that way. Here's where having an open mind will really help matters.

Children aren't limited to accepting the love and guidance of blood relatives. The definition of “family” has been revised (several times, in fact) over the past few decades, and now, this marriage between your daughter and her groom makes you part of their melded group of relatives.

All right, you're thinking, so what if your new son-in-law's kids don't want to have one thing to do with you? Depending on their ages, you might be fighting a losing battle. Teenagers are notoriously difficult creatures, sometimes never more so than in situations of remarriage. You obviously can't force kids to accept you as part of the family, and if they're truly awful, leave them alone. Give them their space, and fight the urge to return any rudeness in kind. Given time, they may come around — or they may not, but it's vital for them to see you acting like an adult.

Their Kids

So the kids have been around for a while, and their parents are just now deciding to tie the knot. Everyone's happy, right?

Hey, why aren't you smiling, Dad? Is it that you're worried that this marriage just isn't right — that your daughter and her beau are getting married for the sake of the kids, and not because they're in love?

Maybe you just know that this marriage is doomed — there's constant backbiting going on, and they just seem to be completely unprepared for a lifelong commitment to each other. You're probably right to be concerned. Above all else, you don't want to see your grandkids put into a situation that's going to end badly.

Here's the bad news: There's nothing you can do about it. Depending on your relationship with your daughter, you may be able to broach the subject and ask her what she hopes to gain in this marriage. If she comes right out and tells you she's only doing it for the kids, that's obviously a red flag and warrants further discussion. But if she's bound and determined to go through with this marriage, you obviously can't stop her. You'll be there to help hold your grandkids together if things don't go according to the best-laid plans. That's your job as Grandpa, and you'll do it well if you're called upon.