As alluded to earlier in this chapter, brides are skyscrapers sitting on emotional fault lines. One crack and the whole thing comes tumbling down, and the end result…well, it ain't pretty. What's more, the jolts can hit the same bride time and time again over the process of planning the wedding, and what's even more, sometimes you'll never know what causes the shaking to commence. Events that you think might drive her to destruction (the caterer canceling or the dressmaker losing her measurements) might cause nothing more than a casual twitch or two, while things that aren't huge deals in the long run (her college roommate can't make it to her shower) will bring the wrath of her nature crashing down on everyone in sight.

Mothers are usually quite adept at dealing with their own daughter-brides; after all, they went through it themselves, and they know what's rational and what's not (in other words, the bride's mother can get away with saying, “Oh, for the love of Pete, get over it already!” if the issue at hand is less than earth-shattering). Fathers, on the other hand, are far less likely to be given that same latitude. Since you've never walked a mile in lacy, beaded, bridal shoes (or at least not as an engaged woman, you haven't), you'll never be allowed to downplay her tears.

So what are you supposed to do? First, take a deep breath. She's acting really horrible? You might want to take a sip of that Scotch you've been saving. When you've finished your own emotional preparations, read on.

Is This My Daughter?

If your daughter has always been the emotional type, you won't be as alarmed at any wedding breakdowns as you would if she's always been rock solid. You should be aware, though, that any bride is prone to losing it while she's planning her wedding, and there's really no need to worry that your real daughter (the one you like) is gone for good. With the culmination of the ceremony itself, the planning-related stresses usually fade away and brides return to normal soon afterward.

If your previously even-keeled daughter is all over the map with her emotions, should you be concerned to the point of losing sleep? Probably not. Obviously, if she's completely out of control, threatening bodily harm to the baker who claims he doesn't have the counter space to make two cakes that are exact replicas of the bride and groom (he's very sorry, mind you), it's time to step in and suggest that she take a break from the planning. But if she's simply frustrated, that's understandable. With the wedding and her job and life's various responsibilities, she has a lot to deal with right now.

Be There for Her

For your part, you can offer to make phone calls or to talk with a vendor who is giving her a particularly hard time. Other than that, let her take the lead. If she wants to talk about the wedding, great. Talk about it. If she's trying desperately to talk about anything other than her nuptials, be a willing contestant in that game. Just make sure she knows that you don't think she's being ridiculous (something that may be difficult for you to pull off if she's a highly emotional person to begin with and you always tell her she's being silly) and that you are willing to listen, even if you're really ready to buy earplugs. Be kind and be patient — this is a relatively short time in life, and it will pass, sooner than you realize.

Bratty Bride

No, no, you're thinking — your problem goes much further than simple emotions. You're dealing with an engaged daughter who is so far out of the bounds of being merely temperamental you don't know what to call it, except for a case of Horrible Bride Syndrome (otherwise known as brattiness).

Unfortunately, this isn't all that uncommon, either. It goes along with the whole self-involved complex of being a modern-day bride. Your daughter turns on the TV to find not one, but several shows that are dedicated to following a bride (sometimes she's a celebrity; sometimes she's just a Plain Jane) as she plans what is built up (mostly by the media) to be the single most important day in a woman's life.

Not only is your daughter trying to plan something that will live up to these examples on the small screen, she's also feeling pressured into making this the only day that will ever resonate with any consequence in her mind. This is it, as far as she's concerned. No wonder it stopped being fun for her ages ago — this is competition and it's work.

Not that any of this excuses nasty behavior. If she's suddenly copping a nasty little attitude with you and/or her mother, you don't have to accept that. Supporting her and loving her are not synonymous with taking her verbal abuse.

Lay it on the line with this bride: Tell her you understand that she's stressed out, but that you are not willing to be in her line of fire. If she hasn't reached rock bottom yet (where her friends tell her the exact same thing), she'll probably react with more nastiness. There's nothing you can do about that except stand your ground and remove yourself from the situation. If you're paying for the wedding, don't renege on the deal, but don't give in to her tirades when she demands more money for something you never agreed to (but she just has to have).

Despite the arguments from the media and your daughter, you do not have to spend your entire life's savings on your daughter's wedding just to prove that you love her — if she doesn't understand that now, she will…someday.