Game on! As soon as the ring hits your daughter's finger, she'll be awash in bridal magazines, bridal books, bridal planners, and dreams of the perfect wedding. You will stand by and wait for the anvil to hit you on the head, so to speak — that's when you'll find out what she's thinking and how it relates to your life. Get ready, get set…

Money, Honey

Fathers with little girls inevitably make jokes about someday paying for their weddings. When it happens, it's suddenly not so funny anymore (at least not to you). Unfortunately, if you ask anyone what your responsibilities regarding the wedding are, you're likely to hear something to the effect of, “Sign the checks and get out of the way.”

This is a good time to point out that while these expenses are traditionally your responsibility, tradition is hardly what it used to be. These days, more and more couples are paying for their own weddings or are at least contributing to them, which lessens the burden on your checking account quite considerably. The groom's family might also pitch in. How will you know, then, what the heck you're going to end up shelling out for? Sorry to say, but you may just have to talk to them about it.

Communicate with the Family

Dads are sometimes reluctant to communicate with anyone, let alone with a groom or the groom's family — but if you're going to be in the know on the matter of wedding finances, you're going to have to start talking to these people. If your wife is the one who is better at handling these things, that's fine — but you'll need to communicate with her.

Unless you don't want to know one single thing about the wedding, you need to prepare yourself for these conversations. First off, you're going to want to discuss the wedding with your daughter for many reasons, the biggest one being financial. If she's thinking of recreating the latest royal wedding on your dime, and meanwhile your checking account contains, literally, just several dimes, it's best to get that out in the open right away. It may also be best to have your daughter or her fiancé bring up the money subject with the in-laws first, too — see Chapter 4 for more on these delicate negotiations.

Stay on the Same Page

Here's where this topic segues into a chat about the emotional instability of brides: Brides can be happy one minute, weepy the next, and you never see the mood change coming. Though you hate to crush her fantasies and send her into a temporary emotional meltdown, you need to bring her down to reality — the sooner, the better. If she wants the royal treatment on her wedding day, she'll have to come up with some of that money on her own. Sure, there will be tears, but it will be much worse if you keep quiet until after she's already looked at reception halls fit for a queen.

For this reason, it's important for you to communicate the financial realities to your wife, as well, especially if she's going to do most of the planning with your daughter. You wouldn't want her to mistakenly offer your daughter choices that are way out of your price range, only to have to rescind the offers later.

Stand Your Ground

If you plan on being the least little bit involved in any of the decision-making, your wedding responsibilities won't end with the opening of the vault and the signing of blank checks. Educate yourself beforehand and be prepared to be firm if you're going to be visiting wedding vendors with the bride. Know what a wedding cake should cost, for example, and what it shouldn't. Be aware of the different choices for the reception meal and which are the most expensive options. (All of this will be covered in greater detail in Chapter 4.)

Fathers of the bride are sometimes regarded as mere accessories — the daughter knows what she wants, and her father is going to pay for it. That's just how it works, as far as some of these vendors are concerned, and some of them might actually try to use that reasoning with you in the presence of your daughter, who, you'll remember, is on emotionally shaky ground right now. Make sure your daughter knows what you're willing and able to pay before you enter the caterer's (or the photographer's, or the florist's) office.

If the vendor in question is just not willing to work with you on your terms, end the meeting right then and there and go elsewhere. Fortunately for you, the wedding industry is huge, and there's always someone else who will be more than happy to work with your budget and snag your business.

Be Realistic

It's important for you to know how much certain aspects of planning a wedding cost; not only to protect yourself from getting ripped off, but also so you'll know a fair price when you hear it. Be sure you educate yourself on the costs of a wedding in your particular region of the country. Be aware that in large cities, weddings tend to be much more expensive than those out in the country. Before you give the green light to any particular reception hall or florist, shop around and find out for yourself what the current prices in your area are.

Weddings are expensive, and if your daughter wants the traditional big wedding, it will cost you thousands of dollars (at an absolute minimum). If a florist is quoting you prices for the ceremony floral arrangements, you shouldn't expect each huge basket to cost less than $25. Such expectations are completely unrealistic, and no one will ever be able to give you flowers for that price, unless they're going to pick some weeds and throw them in a wine bottle vase — which is probably not the look your daughter is going for.

To do proper research, you'll need to ask for literature (that is, written prices), and you'll need to know whether prices are subject to change. After you've nailed down the real prices, you can start comparing and contrasting services.