The Invitation Has Arrived
Oh, geez. You were hoping that you wouldn't be invited to this thing — or maybe it never even crossed your mind, because you assumed you wouldn't be invited — and then … it happened.
Your name appeared on the guest list. The invitation landed on your kitchen table. You got a call from your son, who's really looking forward to partying with you. The best man sought you out in your office last week to fill you in on the particulars. Is it wrong for you to dread this with every ounce of your being?
You're Not a Bachelor!
You like your daughter's fiancé well enough. The two of you get along just swell over Sunday dinner, and he seems to be a real fan of the professional football team you've been worshipping for the last 40-odd years. Still, when you get the invitation to his bachelor party, two words come to mind: Bad idea. Or were those two words No way? Or Yeah, right?
Many fathers feel the same way — that bachelor parties are really for the groom and his friends, and not only do you not want to be there, you can't figure out why they'd want you there. You certainly don't want to watch the groom feeding money to a stripper, and you're fairly certain that he'd have a much better time if you weren't anywhere in the vicinity.
There are a couple of reasons why the father of the bride is routinely invited to larger bachelor parties. For starters, there's good will. If the groom's friends are inviting everyone they can think of (men of all ages, mind you) to attend this raucous event, they'd probably feel bad about not giving you the chance to join the fun if you wanted to.
ESSENTIAL
In the same generation, there are some dads who are real partiers and some who have actually moved past that point in life. Most likely the groom's friends have no idea where you stand on this point, so they've chosen to invite rather than exclude you.
For another thing, many bachelor parties are fundraisers for the bride and groom. Every guest is asked to make a donation that will be passed along to the engaged couple. Your donation, it is assumed, will be fairly sizable.
Can You Skip It?
You are absolutely, positively not required to attend the bachelor party. Yes, it's a gathering to wish the groom well, and yes, many of the wedding guests will be there. You don't have to be. You're not the host; you're an invited guest, and it doesn't matter if you are the father of the bride. You don't have to go if you really think it's a bad idea or if you know you'll be incredibly uncomfortable.
If it's a large bachelor party (and many of them are), you probably won't even be missed — especially after the third or fourth round of drinks.
FACT
If the invitation requires an RSVP, let the host know that you have other plans that you just can't change. That's about as elaborate as your cover story should get.
If your relationship with your future son-in-law is already strained, realize that turning down an invitation to his bachelor party could make things worse. He might perceive this as a deliberate snub.
In this case, make an effort to pop in for 15 minutes — very early on in the evening, before the trash starts flying. Make your appearance, wish him well, and say goodnight.
All Right, You'll Go
If you are planning on attending the bachelor party, you might be looking forward to having some fun with the guys … or you might be feeling uneasy about the prospect of attending.
Generally speaking, the larger the party, the better the chance that you'll feel more comfortable. If the guest list reaches far and wide across generations, there will likely be someone your own age in attendance — and probably a few friendly faces in the crowd, to boot.
FACT
If the party is very small, you're probably going to end up hanging around with the groom, his friends, and his dad. If you think his dad's a barrel of laughs, you're all set. If you can't stand the guy, it might be a long night.
Bachelor parties in this day and age are often known to rely heavily on booze and semi-naked women for entertainment. If this is right up your alley, you're going to make a lot of new, young friends at this party.
If this sounds juvenile to you, there's always a chance that your future son-in-law and his friends are as mature as you are and that you'll come away from the party feeling as though they're really decent guys.
