Say this out loud: Bachelor parties are often wild parties.. Wild. No matter what goes on at a bachelor party, though, it's important to keep it in perspective. Though the rest of the world doesn't exist in a vacuum, bachelor parties sometimes do. Even the most trustworthy guy in the world can get caught up in the frenzied atmosphere of a stag party — and he can end up doing things he normally wouldn't, and maybe things he would never have dreamed of.

Party Pooper!

You're a dad, through and through. You quit all that foolish behavior years ago, or maybe you were never much of a Good Time Charlie to begin with. Somehow, though, you've been talked into going to this bachelor party. You have no intention of engaging in the tomfoolery that typically goes on, and you just know that your future son-in-law won't, either.

Hold on. You can't impose your rules of good conduct on the entire world. While it's admirable for you to want to hold your daughter's fiancé to a high standard…this is his bachelor party.

If you can't hold your tongue, leave. Or don't go in the first place. And though it's always advisable to give someone the benefit of the doubt and to expect the best of him, this is not the time to hold hard and fast to those beliefs. Expect less than the best. At the very least, you won't be disappointed in him, and in the best-case scenario, he may rise above the occasion and emerge a veritable hero (at least in your mind).

Not His Fault

The groom seldom has anything to do with the planning of his own bachelor party, and so the blame and judgment for much of the party rests squarely on his friends' shoulders. Of course, the groom is responsible for his own behavior. It's fair to say that he shouldn't be kissing a strange woman at his bachelor party; it's unfair to say that the strange women shouldn't have been there at all. He didn't invite them, remember.

Other things the groom isn't responsible for:

• The location

• The behavior of other guests

• The cost (donations are sometimes requested)

The father of the bride who really isn't crazy about the son-in-law in the first place needs to be especially careful not to jump to any judgments here. It may be this dad's first instinct to heap the blame for everything about the bachelor party on the groom (because you just knew this guy wasn't good enough to marry your little girl). Not fair. The groom has simply been asked to show up, just like you.

Of course, one could argue that the groom's friends are pretty shady characters if they threw together such a distasteful bachelor party. That may be giving them more credit than they deserve. As upright and moral as you are, you could plan the same party just by opening the phone book. They need not have connections in the seedy part of town in order to hire untamed strippers.

Yep, That's His Fault

So the groom didn't plan the party. You're willing to concede that point, and to overlook the fact that the bar you're standing in smells as though it doubles as a restroom. You can just throw your shoes in the trash when you get home.

However, you are not willing to let other things slide — such as the fact that your daughter's fiancé disappeared a while back and has just emerged from what appears to be a backroom with another woman. Or perhaps he's more bleary-eyed than he should be after simply ingesting beer, which he claims is the only substance coursing through his veins.

While you shouldn't be too quick to judge a groom at his own bachelor party, and while some of this may be situational (i.e., things he never would have done if he were not surrounded by temptation), if you have some very valid concerns, you are absolutely within your boundaries to address them with the man who's about to marry your baby girl.

So how does the confrontation go? That's up to you. In the case of the groom who is dumb enough to be canoodling with another woman while you're in the building, you're right to be furious, and you're absolutely within your rights to call him on his behavior right then and there, as long as he is crossing an obvious line. (Giving him heck for speaking to the stripper is going too far.)

If you'd rather wait until he's sober and alone, that's all right, too. You might make more of an impact on him if you approach him one-on-one, instead of trying to speak to him in a room full of revelers.

Should You Spill Your Guts?

Of course, when you arrive home, you'll likely be asked all sorts of questions — by your daughter, if she's there, and surely by your wife. How honest you choose to be is completely up to you, and is probably largely dependent on how upset you are. However…

Does your daughter need to know about a groom who has blown his image — at least in your eyes? That's a toughie, and it depends on the infraction. You don't want her getting into a marriage that's going to end horribly due to infidelities or substance abuse; on the other hand, this could really be a case of a groom crossing a line he's never crossed before and would never cross again.

No matter the situation, it couldn't come at a worse time than in the weeks before the wedding. The bride is bordering on an emotional meltdown right now anyway, and on a more practical note, everything has already been paid for. Is there enough time to drop this bomb and have the air cleared before the wedding day?

If the groom has been opening his mind with some illegal substances, it's almost a sure bet that your daughter already knows this (though she may not admit it to you). If she honestly doesn't know it, chances are that the groom really isn't an addict — because she would know that. Either way, you're within your Dad Boundaries to let her know. It's her ballgame after that.