There are so many little facets to planning a wedding, it's important to sit down as soon as things get rolling and make a list of expenses which may start affecting your life and your bank account sooner than you think. These include:

• Engagement party

• Bridal attire, accessories, hair, and makeup

• Your tux

• Transportation

• Flowers (bridesmaids', ceremony, reception)

• Photographer/videographer

• Musicians (for the ceremony and reception)

• Reception site and/or caterer

• Liquor

As noted earlier, these are your big wedding expenses, and unless you've been stashing away a little money from every paycheck since the day your daughter was born, chances are you're not going to want to pay top dollar for every single one. Which areas do you spend the most on? Is there a rule of thumb?

Ranking the Options

The best thing you can do to minimize your stress and expense is to ask your daughter to prioritize. If she really wants the best band in town, for example, then you may just have to go with the least expensive dinner option at the reception, and she may have to find a less expensive dress. If she wants a gourmet meal for her guests, then you'll have to shuffle some other expenses around.

Discuss where each of you is comfortable cutting back a little (perhaps you're both willing to hire the church organist for the ceremony, who will be less expensive than a string quartet) and the areas that each of you are most concerned about (if you're inviting your business associates, for example, you'll most likely want the reception to be a top-drawer affair). If the two of you are on common ground, it will make the planning infinitely easier; if you're worlds apart, then you'll at least know that you have to come to an agreement before either one of you starts signing contracts with vendors.

Cash or Credit?

How much of this wedding are you really supposed to pay for out-of-pocket? You've always relied on credit, after all, and that's exactly how you're planning on paying for this party.

The thing about credit is this: It sometimes gets away from even the most careful spenders. Wedding costs are big expenses, and while credit might be the least painful way to take care of them (for now, anyway), maybe you should be feeling a little bit of the pain, rather than waiting for it to get much worse.

Here's the tricky part: In many instances, it's advisable to pay vendors with a credit card, so that in the event of something going wrong (the florist skips town, or the reception hall closes down), you'll have a much better chance of receiving a full refund of your deposit. Once you hand over a check, that money is as good as gone, and it's very difficult (and time-consuming and frustrating) to get it back in your hands. Your credit card company will go to bat for you if a vendor pulls a shady number, but obviously only if you've used your plastic to pay for the transaction.

The bottom line — it's wise to use your credit card to protect yourself against any dishonest vendors, but it's not wise to spend beyond your means. Set a limit and don't go over it. The number of people wallowing in credit card debt is astounding and can only mean one simple thing: They weren't careful with their credit. Don't make the same mistake.

Get It in Writing

Never pay anyone unless and until you have a contract in front of you that stipulates every item you're paying for and how much you're paying. Verbal agreements (the vendor's word and a handshake) are no good. Yes, the guy you're dealing with might seem as honest as the day is long. You're still not paying him a penny until you have a contract. If you decide to follow your instincts and trust that he'll follow through on his spoken promises at your daughter's wedding six months from now…you'll be sorry.

Even if you shun legalities on a daily basis, remember that a contract protects you. And if there's something contained in the contract that isn't to your liking (a section stating that the florist will make every effort to deliver at the time stated, but won't be held responsible for late deliveries, for example), don't sign it. Play hardball, get the contract you want, or take your business elsewhere.

Borrowing from Yourself

Should you refinance your house in order to pay for the wedding? That depends. Refinancing usually costs quite a bit, though the fee is usually deducted from your lump sum settlement (in other words, you're not exactly paying out of your own pocket). What you're left with in the end is a lower mortgage payment, a lower interest rate, a chunk of change — and less equity in your home. If you're planning on staying in your house for a number of years, refinancing may be a great option. It might just give you all the money you need to pay for this wedding. No harm, no foul, no problem.

However, if you've been thinking about putting a “for sale” sign out front, you may want to halt the refinance train. Chances are, when you do decide to move, you'll make more on the sale of your home than you will from the refinancing.

In Summary…

You're the only one who knows how much money you can reasonably afford to put toward your daughter's wedding. Don't be swayed into spending $10,000 more than you can swing simply because you're feeling sentimental, because you may regret that decision down the road — when you have to eat at the newlyweds' house every night for several years while you pay down that debt.

On the flip side, don't sweat the small stuff. This is your daughter's one chance to plan the wedding of her dreams (or so you hope); if something is running a little over budget, tack it up to fate and let it go. Don't spend six months brooding over the fact that the reception is going to cost you a couple of hundred dollars more than you wanted to spend. It won't be worth the energy it consumes.