So where is it appropriate to cut corners? Surely it's not appropriate to look for ways to go cheap when planning a formal wedding…or is it?

The trick is to cut costs without looking like you've made a huge effort to do so. You'll need to be creative — you may even want or need to have some brainstorming sessions with all of the interested parties (e.g., the bride and groom, the groom's family) during which some interesting ideas may pop up.

Your daughter or another creative family member might decide to whip up some of the decorations herself (the bride might forego the barrage of flowers in favor of using tulle bows on the outside of the pews, for example), and the ceremony programs, at least, can be printed on your own computer. There are many Web sites that offer discount wedding invitations, too.

Saving on Flowers

Flowers can be a tough area to cut corners in. Because many churches and reception sites are quite large, the spaces really need large arrangements just to avoid looking barren. You'll need to purchase a certain minimum number of flowers, in other words, and flowers are expensive. Period.

One way to pare down the bill, though, is by finding a flower wholesaler in the area — but unless you or someone in your family has some experience arranging flowers and/or wiring them together for the bouquets, you'll want to make sure that the wholesaler offers these services, as well.

If you're thinking of ordering the wedding flowers online, be careful. These sites promise to deliver fresh flowers in time for the wedding (usually via air transport), but what happens if a storm grounds the plane carrying the bridesmaids' bouquets? Look for a contingency plan (e.g., does this wholesaler have some type of agreement with local florists?) in case disaster strikes at the last minute.

If you can't find a wholesaler you're comfortable with, get creative. For example, if your daughter is getting married in a grand cathedral, necessitating huge floral arrangements, perhaps there's another wedding scheduled for the same day — she and the other bride might split the cost of the ceremony flowers. If not, maybe your expensive flowers could be transported from the church to the reception site, thus eliminating the need for more flowers. And if that's not possible, why not invest in some potted plants to fill up the reception site? Those will last and provide decorations for the newlyweds' home (or yours) for years to come.

The Reception

Now you're planning the reception. How are you going to save some money here?

First off, you'll have to eliminate the places and services that are just too expensive. This will require excellent communication skills on your part (i.e., verbalizing the amount of money you're willing to spend). You can't get angry with your daughter if she hands you a brochure with prices that are way too high if you haven't given her a specific dollar amount to work with.

When you find a place that's within your financial grasp, take a good look at the services it offers. Some packages will inevitably be more expensive than others. If you really feel that an assortment of ten appetizers is ample, don't sign on for a deal that offers twenty. If you don't think that your guests need white-glove tray service (where the appetizers are offered to guests on trays, instead of the guests having to serve themselves from the buffet table), nix it. No one will be the wiser, and you'll save yourself a whole lot of moola.

Keep At It

There are plenty of other ways to cut costs. Persistence and determination are your best allies here:

• Check around the music departments at local colleges (or even high schools) for talented students to solo at the ceremony. Catch them at another wedding first to make sure they're up to the task.

• Encourage your daughter to look at last year's dresses. After all, wedding dress designs don't change drastically from year to year, and if she can find a final markdown in her size, she could save a bundle.

• Talk up candlelight instead of flowers at the reception. Compared to fresh flowers, candles are a bargain. Place them anywhere and everywhere the fire marshal permits inside the reception hall.

• Change the time. Morning and early afternoon receptions don't require the hosts to feed their guests dinner — which is a huge savings to you.

• Change the date. Peak wedding season is from April to October. Some (though not all) vendors have off-season rates.

And then there are certain things you won't want to do, even if it means saving some dough. For one thing, don't hire your cousin (who is renowned for his shower singing) to perform at the reception. If he's not a professional, he has no business entertaining the masses.

That maxim pretty much sums up the rest of the cost-cutting don'ts. Don't hire a student photographer because he'll work for practically nothing (the pictures will be worth almost as much); don't try to whip up dinner for 200 people at home by yourself; don't play bartender unless you have a liquor license; and don't let your nonsewing wife stitch together a wedding dress for your daughter. Yes, attempting these stunts will cost you far less money; however, these are things that are almost guaranteed to end badly.