So, what if you're not particularly overprotective of your kids and you've never given them a free ride on the rent? Does that mean that you're poised to accept anything that's thrown your way? Maybe not. What if your daughter comes home with a man who is the complete opposite of the husband you had in mind for her? What if, for that matter, she seems to have completely lost her mind and seems to have chosen this unlikely candidate simply because she knew that you and her mother would disapprove? What if she wants to plan a wedding that you think is absolutely crazy? What are your rights as a father then? (You do have some rights here, don't you?)

Mr. Wrong

If your daughter brings home a fiancé who is obviously (to you, anyway) not her type, take the time to assess what she really sees in him. If she's always been rebellious, her engagement to a man who seems to be all wrong for her may be a continuation of her rather adolescent behavior. If, on the other hand, she's always been levelheaded, it's unlikely that she would deliberately chose an unsuitable mate just to make you crazy. He might have a few hidden layers that aren't visible to you just yet.

Another thing to think about is how long she's known this guy. If they've been dating for a year, chances are she's put some thought into this decision, and you should defer to her best judgment. You may still have your reservations, but you're not in the relationship — you can't make a fair evaluation without all the evidence, which you don't have. On the other hand, if she's been dating this guy for two weeks and she's announced that they're getting married in a month…you're right to worry.

In either event, though, you risk pushing her away from you and your guidance if you come on too strong. Your situation here is not easy; no one would tell you that it is. You don't have to sit back and smile and nod — make your concerns known, but do it tactfully. (Don't, for example, use the words stupid and jerkface to describe the man she plans to marry.) You don't have to pay for the wedding if you feel as though the whole thing is a sham. If your daughter is hell-bent on marrying this guy, she will, whether you approve or not, and whether you foot the bill or not.

The Artistic Wedding

Your daughter and future son-in-law are so creative. They want to have a nudist wedding, during which they will exchange vows in the buff. The preacher will be baring all, the attendants will be au naturel…and you're expected to pay for this, and to invite your family? No way, you say.

Hopefully, your daughter won't ask you to attend her wedding wearing nothing but a smile, but a lot of engaged women are looking to plan unusual ceremonies and receptions — the plans for which might leave you feeling shaken. You were thinking a couple of hundred people, the country club, and a big wedding cake; your daughter is thinking several hundred people, a circus tent, and cotton candy booths (oh, and acrobats and mimes). How do you insert your own preferences without coming off as controlling?

If you will not pay for the circus tent wedding, you need to lay that on the table (and the sooner the better) so that your daughter can get angry, get over it, and find another place — or so that she (and the groom) can find another way to finance the big wedding.

Don't expect her to completely conform to tradition, and don't insist that she do things exactly the way you want them done. Here's where the art of compromise comes into play. The two of you will have to find a happy middle ground — something that will make her happy (it is her wedding after all), and something that you and your guests will feel comfortable with. That's only fair, and it's the way adults work things out together.

She Is All Grown Up

No matter how you feel about the matter, sooner or later your daughter is going to reach a point where she can't reasonably be referred to as a kid anymore. She's probably getting close to that point as you sit and read this. You have to learn to see her as an adult and appreciate her unique take on things, especially if she's contemplating marriage.

If you can sit down and talk to her about her plans while treating her like an adult, you're much more likely to hear how she really feels. (Is she a little scared? Does she feel overwhelmed?) These are areas where you might be able to offer her some real insight and invaluable guidance if you're willing to talk to her in a way that lets her know you know she has a brain in her head.

Too many fathers — with the best of intentions — make the mistake of distancing themselves from their almost-adult daughters because deep down, they think that parenting a young woman is really a job for her mother. Not true. Any girl who has a good relationship with her father will appreciate his take on life. She may not follow your advice in the end, but the fact that you've taken the time to really talk to her as a grownup will take your relationship from the sandbox into the real world.