Father of the bride — the very words conjure up an image of a dapper dad in his tuxedo, ready and waiting to walk his daughter down the aisle. Some people, of course, think of a man furiously signing checks made out to the caterer, the baker, the band, the florist…
No matter what the words mean to you, you've been playing the role since your daughter announced her engagement. There's more to this character, though, than the tux and the checkbook. You'll soon find out that one of your responsibilities — as important as walking her down the aisle — is offering a shoulder to cry on when the planning gets hectic; another is communicating with your family, with whom you may have been out of touch for eons before this wedding threatened to gather you all together under the same roof sometime next June.
If this is your first time in the wedding planning arena, you may have absolutely no idea what's expected of you — financially or otherwise. Are you really supposed to pay for every single wedding-related expense? Will you have to buy your own tuxedo? Do you have to go to your future son-in-law's bachelor party? And what about your ex-wife, her new husband, your new wife, and all the stepkids? Where does everyone fit into the wedding diagram?
Weddings have come a long way since the first etiquette books were written, so if you've received most of your information from these sources, you can relax. For the most part, when they were published, societal rules were very rigid and didn't account for any situations other than what was deemed “proper”; divorce, remarriage,and single parenting were never mentioned. Fortunately, nothing is off limits today — families come in such varied structures, and more and more brides (and grooms) are throwing etiquette to the wind and relying on their own common sense.
So where does the father of the bride fit into all of this? Anywhere you want to, anywhere you're welcome to, and anywhere it makes sense for you to. If your daughter wants your complete involvement and you have the time and resources to offer, grab the chance. Though it's true that a daughter is a daughter all of her life, she'll also be a wife soon — which means that her first priority will be her husband. If you have an opportunity to help her plan her wedding, you'll be left with priceless memories of time well spent together.
Of course, you'll probably be called on to whip out that checkbook, but before you reach for the antacids, realize that many, many young couples pay for at least part of their own weddings these days, and unless you've been telling your daughter that you'll foot the bill for everything, you may not have to.
Your best bet for a happy, mostly problem-free, pre-wedding season? Communication. Don't be afraid to ask questions (of your daughter, of the caterer, of the groom, of whomever); don't be afraid to express your feelings (if you feel that 600 guests is too many, say so — nicely); and don't hold back the urge to tell your daughter that you're proud of the woman she's become and that you're happy for her. She may already know it, but she needs to hear it from her dad.