Master of All Masters

Once upon a time, a peasant girl decided to earn some money by becoming a servant. It took her some time to find a job, but at last a funny-looking old fellow hired her.

When she first arrived at his house, he told her that he had many things to teach her because in his house he had his own names for things.

He asked her, “What will you call me?”

“Whatever you like, sir,” she answered politely.

He said, “You must call me ‘Master of All Masters.’ And what would you call this?” he asked pointing to his bed.

“I'd call it a bed,” she answered.

“No, that's my ‘barnacle.’ And what do you call these?” he asked, pointing to his pants.

“Pants or trousers, or whatever you like.”

“You must call them ‘squibs and crackers.’ And what would you call her?”he asked, pointing to his calico cat.

“Cat or kitten, or whatever you like.”

“You must call her ‘white-faced simminy.’ And what would you call this?”he asked pointing at the fire.

“Fire or flame, or whatever you like.”

“You must call it ‘hot cockadoodle.’ And what is this?” he went on, pointing to the water.

“Water or wet, or whatever you like.”

“No, ‘like-a-pondum’ is its name. And what do you call all this?” he asked as he pointed to his home.

“House or cottage, or whatever you like.”

“You must call it ‘high topper mountain.’

” That very night the servant woke her master up in a fright and said, “Master of All Masters, get out of your barnacle and put on your squibs and crackers, for white-faced simminy has got a spark of hot cockadoodle on its tail, and unless you get some like-a-pondum, high topper mountain will be all on hot cockadoodle.”

As you can see, the servant girl was a quick learner. They quickly put out the hot cockadoodle and lived happily ever after.