What It's Like to Love a Three

Most ego-driven Threes base their self-esteem on what they can accomplish, how many physical possessions they can accumulate, and how they look to the rest of the world, which means they create an inflated image that requires major upkeep. They become whatever they think will win them what they want, and they do whatever it takes to look successful. As they inch toward pathology, this leads to narcissism and a devouring ego that cannot be satisfied. Their loved ones often become possessions that need to look good and be willing to constantly cater to the Three's excessive needs.

If they want to be with you, like Twos, your average to unhealthy Threes will mold themselves to be whatever you want. They know better than anyone how to be the great pretender. Unfortunately, whenever their carefully crafted persona slips, usually because they feel rejected or they experience failure, everyone discovers that the Three is all show and little substance. Threes on the edge often lose touch with their own ability to be vulnerable and real. Once they set their sites on conquering you, they put on quite a show, formalizing a list of ideas about how to court you — what to say, what to wear, where to take you, how to seduce you — down to the finest detail. They also want you to be a show stopper, someone that others desire because you're a real catch — attractive, smart, rich, successful, sophisticated. Threes need all eyes to be on them, and all eyes to be envious. Because image is all, Threes may also become obsessed with monetary success and often become workaholics that sacrifice their family for the almighty dollar.

Dysfunctional or pathological Threes leap into a false intimacy and become possessive, controlling, and nasty. Their massive underlying (as in hidden) insecurity leads to lies, manipulation, and a need to dominate. Because they are terrified that you'll leave them, they will project their faults onto you and constantly berate you in an attempt to wear your self-esteem into the ground. If you leave them without their permission, they often become violent and bent on revenge.

What you'll love about Threes:

  • They fall for you in a big, romantic, wish-fulfilling way.

  • They want to give you what you want; they'll be whatever you want.

  • They see your best qualities and reinforce them regularly.

  • They are typically high-energy, self-motivated go-getters destined for success.

  • They set high standards for themselves and work to achieve them.

  • They typically want you to feel good about yourself.

  • They usually care about being attractive and usually take good care of themselves.

  • They have adaptable personalities so you can take them anywhere.

  • What will drive you crazy about Threes:

  • When they see something they want, they will do whatever it takes to get it.

  • They often don't turn out to be what you thought they were.

  • They can be narcissistic and their inflated ego often demands constant attention.

  • They are generally ten times more focused on money and success than family.

  • They may see you as a means to an end — you'll make them look good, but they are the only one who gets to shine.

  • Once they feel like they have you, their dark side usually emerges.

  • If pathological, they can become possessive, controlling, manipulative liars.

  • When stressed, they are quite capable of being verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive.

  • Self-actualized Threes make an ideal mate. They have dug well into their souls to uncover the neuroses that caused all their problems. They are integrated, self-accepting, self-nourishing, and self-directed. They are confident in a good way, as in modest, unassuming, and authentic. They are also very in tune with those they love and have amazing social graces. In other words, they'll charm the pants off you and everyone else.

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