How Type Affects Relationships

People need love, and understanding oneself — and others — helps you develop and nourish healthy relationships as well as identify and release negative relationships. Once you know your basic type and its primary wing influences, you can identify patterns within other types that will be compatible in certain situations. Understanding the common or disparate motivations, the underlying strengths and weaknesses, and the best aspects of each type will enable to you understand why people act the way they do and what you can do to help them understand you or, at the very least, your point of view.

While any normal, relatively healthy person can relate well to someone operating on the same basic level — no matter what enneatype that person is — the Enneagram can be very helpful in figuring out what areas within each of your Enneagram styles are most likely to lead to discord down the road. Since it also helps you gain a better perspective on the motivations, fears, and behaviors of each type, it can also be used as a tool for improving your current relationships by increasing your understanding of your family and friends and identifying the points where your personalities mesh and where they combust.

Two personalities within the same type are likely to share a common point of view and modus operandi, but they may also grow weary of reflecting the negative aspects of their type to each other. Also, even when two people meet at the same points, they may feel a mutual understanding of the issues until one partner gravitates toward another point (during progression or regression) on the Enneagram and disagreements or misunderstanding occur.

Obviously, there are a multitude of complexities. Where you are in terms of functioning — self-actualized, ego-driven, or pathological — as well as the weight of your wing and your security point or your stress point can all affect you and the other person.

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