The Three Child
Three children began life very in tune with the expectations of their parents, so they grow up attempting to fulfill their parents' need to look good by overachieving or excelling at something. They often develop an early drive to develop a strong, assertive, hard-working persona based on what they can do that makes others look up to them. Three children connect what they can achieve to how much their parents, or other authority figures, love them.
They are frequently precocious children who dazzle you with their brilliance, star power, or charisma. They have boundless energy and almost careen off the walls when they are excited, which is often. They can get a bit obsessed about doing well in school and go out of their way to impress their teacher or gain special favors. They excel at challenges and love it when you — and everyone else — applaud or tell them they were the best. They are smooth talkers who can convince their friends to do almost anything. They tend to fuss over their appearance and want to have the latest toys or gadgets.
How to nurture a Three child: Reassure him that you love him for who he is, not what he does or how good his grades are. Encourage him to spend more time just hanging out and having fun. Praise him when he does something out of the goodness of his heart rather than something done to impress. Help him keep his dreams and expectations grounded, and help him ease up on being outwardly directed by developing an inner life — art and drama, for example, would be nourishing.
Some behavioral problems that may indicate possible danger ahead when it comes to raising Three children:
Their self-esteem is based on their accomplishments.
They can be overly competitive and get angry if they don't win.
They are often status conscious at an early age and worry too much about what other kids will think about the way they dress, what they have or don't have, or who they hang out with.
They may tell lies or exaggerate to make themselves look good.
They can become overly aggressive and get angry if they don't get what they want.
They may alter their appearance or their behavior to fit in with a crowd.
They may have difficulty relaxing, winding down at night, or sleeping.
Rather than developing according to who they are, Three children become identified with an image of an overachiever, a star, or a precocious child destined for success. They develop ego needs that are only satisfied by an external sign that they are the best, the brightest, or the richest person they know. They may become dependent on others to view them as the king of the hill.
