The Four Child
Four children have fantastic imaginations and love to play dress-up, particularly if they make up the game or create the story. They can be bright, sensitive, emotional children who can be delightful one minute and maddening the next. They tend to take life seriously and seem older than their age, particularly when they brood or proclaim that life bores them. They can be very shy and spend a lot of time in their room. They may spend too much time daydreaming and have trouble staying focused on what's happening in the real world. They are usually more introverted than most children and will withdraw occasionally just to be alone. The rich imagination of the Fours enables them to appreciate artistic endeavors. The symbolic nature of art gives them a place to express their intense emotions safely.
How to nurture a Four child: Even if her intense feelings seem out of proportion, encourage rather than dismiss the expression of them. Reassure her regularly that you understand and care about how she feels. Keep in mind that she is usually introverted and needs time alone to rejuvenate. Help her stay in the present, and encourage her to focus some of her emotional intensity outward; if she falls into a funk, urge her to choose a course of action and take it.
Some behavioral problems that may indicate possible danger ahead when it comes to raising Four children:
They may spend too much time brooding, feeling sad or sorry for themselves.
They may think they're special one minute and the lowest form of life the next.
They would rather fantasize about their failures and woes than participate in daily life.
They are often so sensitive they overact when hurt and then nurse past hurts for a long time.
If you get angry with them, they think it means you don't love them anymore.
When they do something wrong, they feel like they're complete losers.
When they get angry, they blame themselves and get depressed instead of openly expressing their anger.
They sometimes need a lot of emotional pampering.
Four children are usually overly identified with their feelings. If they feel rejected by either parent, they tend to blame themselves and often come to view themselves as flawed, broken, or even unlovable. Many cope by seeing themselves as special, unique, or as someone who feels more deeply than others and is thus separate from them. Unlike Two children who will hide their sadness or pain, Four children often visibly suffer, either by complaining of aches and pains, having stomachaches, or moping around. They are in danger of overidentifying with their sadness, melancholy, or image of themselves as broken in some permanent way. Paradoxically, their image of themselves as defective can make them feel a strong sense of entitlement and lead them to think that their suffering makes them special so they deserve special treatment.
