According to Jung's personality theory, the psyche is constantly flowing between two extremes, and your primary task is to successfully balance the two polarities. To achieve individuation, each personality has to acknowledge and work through the limitations of its idealized self and shadow, its strengths and weaknesses, and its motivations and fixations (what keeps it stuck). These primary polarities that a Three has to navigate are explored in the following sections.

Shadow and Idealized Self

Every personality forms an inner world that reflects how it feels about itself and an outer world that projects what it wants others to know about it. Jung would also refer to these worlds as the shadow, or hidden traits that your psyche squelches and does not want the outer world to see, and the idealized self, what your psyche creates and wants the outer world to see.

A Three shadow hides insecurity, insincerity, and dishonesty. Although they do everything to hide or deny it, they assess other people's feelings and vulnerabilities for the primary purpose of exploiting them. Since they mask extreme insecurity with posturing, they view even minimal objective criticism as insulting and often retaliate with verbal, emotional, or physical abuse. When dysfunctional, they become classic narcissists.

As far as their idealized self, on the positive side a Three can be very persuasive and inspire others to believe in their dreams. Fully self-actualized Threes are self-sufficient, loving, generous, thoughtful, and optimistic. If they are happy, they radiate confidence and exercise wisdom. They embrace the truly finer things in life — beauty, art, culture, spirituality, and romance. They use their vast creativity, energy, and dedication to support social causes that benefit humanity.

Turn-Ons and Turnoffs

According to Jung, your libido is not connected to your sex drive alone, but instead refers to your overall psychic energy or what gives your personality juice. The opposite of what turns you on would be what turns you off. To individuate, Threes need to seek balance between these two polarities.

Threes are gluttons for recognition and monetary success. They love being so successful that everyone looks up to them. They become obsessed with earning money, fame, and recognition, and totally love being the most successful person in the room. They get turned on by anything that helps them project the desired image of success — impressive real estate, expensive furniture jewelry, art, fancy cars — and makes others envious.

Because it makes them feel vulnerable, Threes get very turned off when anyone tries to pierce their armor by delving into their real feelings. They get really crazy, defensive, and intimidating if anyone tries to expose their weaknesses. They hate it when someone wants something from them that they can't give. They don't like themselves — or their family — looking less than perfect.

Fear and Security

These basic and very essential characteristics determine how Threes approach, live in, and eventually conquer their worlds. Fears stop people short and often cause people to regress, and they rarely progress unless they feel a certain sense of security about themselves or their circumstances.

Threes are terrified that no one will love them and that they cannot survive alone.

Threes are terrified of feeling — or having anyone guess — that they are empty inside. Their desperate need to create a successful image leaves them afraid that someone will discover their real limitations or view them as a failure. Threes are afraid that any display of real vulnerability will unmask them. Down deep they don't feel lovable and live their lives terrified that the people they love and need so desperately to love them will leave them.

Threes feel most secure when they can bury their emotions by working night and day. They are most comfortable in the world of accomplishment and feel good about themselves when they are the best at whatever they do. Achieving monetary success or having everyone think they are very successful helps them sleep at night. If they feel like they have everything under control and can manipulate people successfully, they gain confidence in their ability to fool everyone.

Motivations and Fixations

The feeling of being motivated or stuck relates to how Threes use or ignore their psychic energy. Knowing their primary motivations and what Threes cling to within their own personality that either helps them progress toward individuation or keeps them stuck in fixations helps you understand how their personality functions.

Because Threes either received unsubstantiated praise or no praise, they have a burning desire to be admired by their family, friends, coworkers, and community. They want to be accepted and loved for who they are, but they also want to be the best they can be and, more particularly, better than anyone else. They need others to fuss over them and to act as if they are the center of the universe. Threes need validation from others to feel worthwhile. Threes want to have every means of visible success — attractiveness, intelligence, competence, charm, personality, a physically attractive family, tons of money, fame, and recognition. Threes want others to pale in comparison; they want to be the king of the hill at all times.

Threes are weighed down by an inner nagging voice that tells them that they have no real value and that everyone else is better than them. Once they have created an inflated persona designed to trick others into believing they are superior, Threes live in fear that someone will unveil them and expose them for the sham they are. Because they have lost touch with their feelings and true identity, they are afraid to develop true intimacy lest their beloved discover that they are far less than what they project and are in reality empty inside. They are like the wizard Dorothy discovered hiding behind a curtain in Oz. Since their inflated image has been carefully crafted, they are terrified of failing and being exposed as a failure, which is just one of the many fears that keep them stuck.

Coping and Failing

This coping-failing dichotomy has to do with the behaviors Threes adopt to cope with their lives, or maintain the status quo, and how those same behaviors can lead to a failure to grow into their full potential.

Threes cope by focusing on work and achievement, particularly by setting lofty goals and then doing whatever it takes to achieve them. They concoct a successful persona and become facile at deceit — doing or saying anything to hide their underlying insecurity. They buy fancy cars, mansions, bling, and lavish wardrobes — all designed to project extraordinary financial success. They keep themselves too busy to think about feelings, eventually becoming workaholics whose success feeds into their inflated ego. They are supported by the culture of the United States. Psychological classifications for pathology have equivalents for every other Enneagram style, but being a workaholic is not considered an aberration or mental illness.

Threes fail when they create a totally false persona to disguise their insecurity and actually believe the inflated myths they created. They set their goals too high, keep a lot of balls in the air, and overextend themselves for all the wrong reasons. When they feel insecure, they often project their negative qualities onto their loves ones and criticize or berate them in hopes of making them feel so insecure they won't leave them. Their narcissism ends up alienating the very people they wanted so desperately to impress. Meanwhile, they spent so much energy chasing their own tail and are so obsessed with work and money that they neglect their families.

Falling Apart and Transcending

Each enneatype has a unique way of falling apart. The types each have specific needs they need fulfilled, or mental concepts they can embrace, before they can successfully transcend their ego limitations and become fully integrated and whole.

Threes fall apart when something cataclysmic happens in their lives, particularly when it ends up exposing their soft underbelly. If they feel in danger of losing a job, a large amount of money, their spouse, or anything they think is crucial to their existence or their inflated image, they resort to threats and intimidations in hopes of controlling the situation. If they suffer severe blows to their image, they may become deeply depressed or suicidal.

Threes transcend their own ego when they finally realize that people will love them for who they and not for what they can accomplish. If they surrender the need to be the center of attention, they can learn to focus on others and develop reciprocal intimacy — realizing that their real feelings are valuable and sharing them also improves intimacy. They need to learn that it's okay to feel vulnerable and that others aren't judging them as harshly as they judge themselves.