When Anger Turns to Abuse
Anger is a normal emotion that most people experience at some point during the divorce process. You should expect angry outbursts, negative comments, belittling, arguments, and even an exaggerated story about your shortcomings. What you should not tolerate is abuse. Domestic violence is a pattern of coercive behavior, not a couple of isolated incidents of anger in the context of a divorce. If you believe you are a victim of domestic violence you should tell your lawyer and seek help from a local domestic violence program.
If abuse is an issue for you, tell your lawyer. You may need to get a restraining order before you take the potentially dangerous step of beginning your divorce. If your spouse is emotionally abusive, take whatever steps you can to prepare her for your announcement that you want a divorce. Try to treat her with respect and civility, and don't let her behavior goad you into an angry response.
If your spouse's anger seems uncontrollable and he engages in behavior such as name calling, humiliation, and threatening you, you may be a victim of domestic violence. You do not have to sustain physical injury to be a victim of domestic violence. Verbal and emotional abuse can also be very damaging and could precede physical violence.
Even if you have never experienced domestic violence in your marriage, a spouse could become abusive during the course of a divorce. If you are a victim, you should find out what services are available to protect you and take steps to ensure the safety of yourself and your children. All states have laws that protect victims of domestic violence. Find out what they are and see if they apply to your situation.
Headed for Litigation
When one spouse refuses to let go and accept the reality of a divorce, it's unlikely that the parties will be able to negotiate a settlement. At some point, the initiator of the divorce will lose the ability to stay calm in the face of the spouse's behavior and fight back. When that happens, the divorce is headed for litigation, and lots of it. The angrier you or your spouse becomes, the longer the litigation will last. The more litigation there is, the angrier the parties become. It is a vicious circle that will cost you heartache and pain, not to mention a ton of money. Your best course of action is to try to avoid litigation if at all possible.
